


Cagamosis

by officialhandmaiden



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Padmé lives!, eventual padme/vader, past anakin/padme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1996128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/officialhandmaiden/pseuds/officialhandmaiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years after the events of Revenge of the Sith Padmé Amidala lives in secret; working as a member of the fledgling Rebel Alliance, and evading the grasp of the Empire. A new assignment leads her down the path of discovery, reuniting with old friends, and a lost love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And miles to go before I sleep

**Author's Note:**

> I am very proud of this fic, this is the first thing I've ever written that I actually liked and finished. Since it's my first story please be patient while I try to find my writing legs. Also this story is completely un-beta'd so all the errors you see are my own. P.s. I would love some feedback 
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas,Lucasfilm and Disney I am only doing this for fun.

 “The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,  
But I have promises to keep,  
And miles to go before I sleep,  
And miles to go before I sleep.”

-Robert Frost, from 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' 

 

 The cantina where her contact instructed her to go was located on one of the lowest levels on Coruscant; this was the furthest she had ever ventured into the core of the planet. The trip from where her refugee transport dropped her off at an Alien Immigration Center located in the mid-levels of the planet, to the seedy looking bar took longer than Padmé had originally planned.

After she got off at the wrong train station and passed up the inconspicuous looking building Padmé finally found the entrance to the cantina where she was told to go. The building was wedged between a butcher shop and a store where people could buy and sell used electronics.  Finally entering the establishment that dubbed itself _“The Drunken_ _Hutt”_   Padmé headed towards the booth positioned furthest from the entrance and sat on the side with her back against the wall where she could take note of everyone who entered and left the building.

Looking around Padmé could only see a few other patrons, a Human male sitting at the bar who was talking quietly with the bartender, a Zeltron female, and three Bith men seated at a table near the door. The floor was just concrete with blood stains scattered across the ground, the few light fixtures it had working were low hanging and gave off a low humming noise.

She understood why her contact had picked this place; it looked like a place that had been forgotten and discarded long ago. She also understood how dangerous a place like this could be if any of the Imperial spies knew that this is where members of the Alliance made underground deals. This far down the law was non-existent, and disposing of anyone that could possibly be a threat to the empire would be met with no legal recourse.

 Padmé did not have to wait long, with a chime that signaled that someone had entered; a small Human woman walked through the doorway of _“The Drunken Hutt”_ and immediately headed towards where Padmé was seated.

The woman’s name was Pryia Vonn; she is married to a high ranking Imperial Officer and a member of the Rebel Alliance. Padmé had made her acquaintance during the Clone Wars when Pryia was just an aide for Senator Fang Zar.  Sitting down across from her and lowering her hood Pryia wasted no time explaining the reason for her unexpected call.

“Thank you for meeting me so quickly, I know it’s not safe for you to be here but I have some good news concerning the friend I told you about last week.”

One week ago she received a coded transmission from Priya explaining that she found a man who worked at Incomm Industries and was willing to sell information about starfighter prototypes for a large amount of credits. When the transmission ended Padmé  packed what few possessions she still had and set off to Coruscant from her small temporary home she had made for herself on Christophsis.

_What a lonely creature I have become._

Brushing away the thought Padmé placed her elbows on the table and leaned in closer to Pryia ensuring that she wasn't going to miss anything the woman said.

“I received a message from him two nights ago saying that he would be willing to meet a member of the Alliance while he was on Onderon. He says the meeting place is ours to choose, he doesn't care as long as he gets his money.”

“How much money is this information worth?”  Padmé inquired.

“One hundred thousand credits.” Pryia answered

 Padmé straightened in her seat. “Do Bail and Mon truly believe what this man has is that important?”

“Yes they do, and that is why you’re the only one they trust enough to get this done.”

 Padmé didn't even have to think about it; Bail and Mon were risking their lives every day just by being in the Capitol, and they had both done so much to ensure that she (and her children) remained hidden from the Emperor (and their father).

Shaking her head Padmé complied. “Alright, just send all the information you have to my private commlink. I’ll start looking for a transport to Onderon”. Beginning to stand she was halted when Priya gently placed her hand on Padmé’s elbow.

“Wait, I have one more thing to tell you.” Pryia added.

Sitting back down Padmé waited for Pryia to speak. Leaning in closer, Pryia spoke in low voice and Padmé had to strain her ears to hear what she said.

“I have some news about Vader. It seems that-.” Just then someone in the cantina dropped their drink causing the glass to shatter on the hard floor. The action caused both women to startle and lean back from their close proximity over the table.

 Padmé felt her heart seize in her chest when Pryia mentioned that name. She has tried for the past seven years to not think about the man her husband became. She knows it would be easier for her to just pretend that Anakin died on Mustafar, but she couldn’t extinguish the faint light inside her that believed that somewhere deep inside Darth Vader was the man she once loved.

_Anakin was murdered by Vader, Obi-Wan tried to explain to her while still on Polis Massa. The man you married is gone, you must understand that. Numb from grief all she could do was nod her head and look down at her babies, such tiny little things, completely innocent and unaware of the life they had just been born into._

Resuming their conversation Pryia whispered “It seems that Vader is planning some type of coup to overthrow the Emperor.”

“Those kinds of rumors are nothing new; people have been saying that ever since Vader first appeared.” Padmé remarked.

Shrugging her shoulders Pryia said. “I know, but these ones might to have a grain of truth in them. Last night I heard my husband speaking to Grand Moff Jarin who believes that Vader has taken an apprentice.”

 Padmé opened her mouth to voice doubt at the reliability of Imperial gossip but closed it when Pryia held up her hand to silence her protest.

“Padmé, please trust me. I know how these men think, and I can tell the difference between something that is just gossip and when they are plotting something. Many believe that it is just a matter of time before Vader kills Palpatine and declares himself the Emperor.”

Shocked, Padmé spoke. “Alright, thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After leaving _“The Drunken Hutt”_ Padmé started the long trek back up to the mid-levels where she hoped to be able to find a transport to take her to Onderon. While waiting in line for the elevator to take her to the train platform Padmé couldn’t fight the feeling that she was being watched. Shivering at the damp coldness that seemed to permeate everything down here, she pulled her jacket closer to her body and lifted her hood to conceal her face.

The uneasy feeling followed her all the way up to the bar she was currently sitting in. The bar was frequented by freighter pilots and finding one to take her to Onderon shouldn’t be too difficult. More often than not as long as she has the credits the pilots were willing to take her wherever she wanted to go. On occasion there are some men that felt she owed them more than just a substantial amount of credits.

_(And if they’re handsome enough and she’s the right amount of drunk and lonely she has no problem obliging them)._

The Coruscanti night life was in full swing by the time she ascended from the lower levels of the planet. After retrieving her small pack from a storage locker at the shuttle station Padmé headed towards the first spacer bar she could find.

Padmé was now seated on a stool in a dimly lit cantina that smelled like sweat, booze, and cigarra smoke.  She nursed a glass of cheap whiskey that burned her throat and made her wince. Tipping her head back, she swallowed what was left of the offensive liquid and waved over the bartender. She covered the glass with her hand when he made a move to refill her drink and placed a credit chip in front of him.

“I’m in need of transport that can take me to Onderon; I’m hoping you could point me in the direction of someone who’s going that way.”

Rubbing his chin, the man thought about it for a minute before speaking. “Yeah I think I know someone, but it’s going to cost you another credit.”

 Padmé’s eyes narrowed “You know what, I’ll find someone on my own.”

“Fine then,” The man said, shrugging his shoulders. “Good luck with that.” He chuckled and swiped the credit Padmé game him of the counter and walked away.

Sighing, Padmé stood up and went to the ‘fresher, deciding she would look on her own after she came out.

Walking back to her stool Padmé noticed a figure occupying her seat. Halting abruptly, she caused a woman behind her to stumble into her and spill her drink down the back of her shirt. “Stupid bitch.” The woman mumbled. But Padmé didn’t hear her, her eyes glued to the familiar face sitting at the bar.

When the war was declared over, Palpatine ordered that no more clone troopers were to be created. The Kaminoans were instructed to destroy the clone fetuses while the half trained adult clones were forced out into the galaxy to find other means of employment. The Empire never released an official statement about the fate of the young cadets. The clones that made up The Grand Army of the Republic became storm troopers, but now due to the Emperors decree that only humans were permitted to serve in the Imperial Army; clones were being phased out, only serving in a teaching capacity at the academy.

Padmé couldn't say with certainty that she knew the clone sitting at the bar, but this was the first time in the subsequent years after the war that she has seen a clone and she had to admit that she was curious.

She supposed she should feel more afraid about the possibility that someone may have uncovered the truth about her, but after spending all these years cast adrift from everyone and everything she ever loved she wanted whatever small connection to her old life she could get.

Walking over to the man Padmé was barley seated when he spoke. “You know you’re a hard woman to find Senator Amidala.” His tone was bored, like he was commenting on the weather instead of talking to a woman who has been dead to the galaxy for almost ten years.

Her stomach rolled when he addressed by her former title, she clenched her fists to her side hoping to hide the way her hands began to tremble. Swallowing, she turned her head to stare at the man’s profile.

“I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage,” Padmé replied in a clear voice. “You know who I am, but I can’t say for sure I know who you are.”  

Turning his head to face her she could see the slight smile on his lips. “It’s Rex milady,” He said inclining his head towards her. “We’ve met before.”

Padmé felt her eyes widen. She had only met Captain Rex a handful of times during the war, but what she can recall about him is that he was the clone trooper that served as second-in-command to her husband in the 501st Legion.

She remembers when Anakin would come home from the frontlines; he refused to talk to her about the war. Sometimes though, after they fucked and he would begin to nod off she would wrap her body around him, tucking her chin in the space between his neck and shoulder, she would press a kiss there and whisper in his ear.

_“Tell me what’s bothering you.”_

_And he would; lying languid in her bed, his face half pressed into the pillow, his voice somnolent. He confided in her that his last campaign was a disaster, it was the first one he led without Ahsoka or Rex and he’d lost more men than usual. He told her he felt like everyone was eventually going to leave him._

_“Everyone has their own path to take Ani,” She tried to assure him. “You can’t control everything.”_

_She assumed he was fell asleep by then because he gave her no response. Uncomfortable from the sensation of her bare skin sticking to his and her legs beginning to ache she tried to untangle herself from him. When she attempted to dislodge her arm from underneath his body, she felt his hands grip her wrists and pull them tight against his chest, lacing their fingers together._

She nodded her head in response. “Yes I remember you; you were one of the soldiers on Naboo during that mess with the Blue Shadow Virus.”

“Yes, milady.”

 Padmé found it comical; here she was sitting in a dive bar with beer running down the back of her shirt talking to a Jango Fett clone _(the clone of a man that once tried to_ _assassinate her_ ) that used to serve under the command of her estranged husband and he was calling her “milady.”

“Please,” she said her tone light. “Call me by my first name; there’s no need for such formality here.” To prove her point she gestured to a Twi’lek couple sitting at a small table in the corner, the woman’s hands were clearly down the front of her date’s pants and his head was shamelessly thrown back.

“They’ve been like that for the past ten minutes.” Padmé explained.

“I know, to be completely honest with you Senator-I mean Padmé-I have been tracking you since you landed.” Rex confessed, an uncertain look passing over his features.

Padmé straightened up. “What, who hired you to track me?”  She asked, trying to hide the panic creeping into her voice.  

When she was both a Queen and a Senator she had many political enemies, but by now they were either dead or believed that she was. Unless… Padmé felt herself grow pale. What if Rex uncovered the truth about Anakin and was still loyal to him? She let her guard down for five minutes and now everything she did to protect her children would be for nothing.

 _Calm down, if Anakin_ _did suspect you were alive he wouldn’t have hired someone to fetch you; he would have done it himself._

Comforted by the somewhat terrifying thought Padmé fought the urge to bolt and waited for Rex to explain.

“I wasn’t hired; it was more of a favor for a friend.”

Padmé furrowed her brows. “Well,” She questioned again. “Who is this favor for?”

Rising off the stool he grabbed her pack and offered it to her, jerking his head towards the exit he said. “I think she would want to tell you in person.”

She grabbed the pack from his still outstretched hand and slipped it around her shoulders. Gesturing for her to walk in front of him, she stepped out of the dingy bar and into the cool night air. Still apprehensive but willing to trust him, she followed him into the night and towards the woman who searched for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (I am having some difficulties with the formatting so if you notice it looks weird please tell me.)


	2. Retrouvaille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Lucasfilm and Disney I am only doing this for fun.

Retrouvaille (n.) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery

 

Padmé Amidala followed Rex through the overcrowded streets of Coruscant. Even this late at night the planet was bursting with life, the bright neon signs flashed in her eyes while insistent street vendors tried to get her attention. The constant noise and exhaust fumes from the air traffic above gave her a migraine.

“How much longer is this going to take?” Padmé asked. Puffing out a sharp breath.

She was regretting her curiosity; they had been walking for miles. Her feet hurt, the muscles in her calves burned from exertion, and a sharp pinch in her side was forming. Padmé felt sweat gathering in her cleavage and she could feel her hair sticking to the back of her neck.

“Not much longer.” He replied easily, not bothering to turn around and look at her.

Annoyed, Padmé marched up to him and yanked on the back of his jacket forcing him to turn around.

“Hey,” she said, eyes flashing. “I don’t have time for this. I need to get off this planet soon so that I can-.”

Cut off mid-sentence by an Aqualish walking through the narrow space between her and Rex, Padmé could feel her blood pressure rising.

Placing his hands on her shoulders, Rex tried to reassure her. “Senator, I promise we will take you wherever you need to go. You just have to walk one more block.”

Pursing her lips, Padmé looked into his worn yet kind face, and she felt her growing aggravation leave her. Letting out a weary sigh, Padmé knocked his hands off her shoulders. “Okay, I’ll go with you.” She agreed, pointing her finger at him. “You better keep up your end of the bargain; I need to be off this planet by mid-day.”

Turning on her heel she began to walk away, not waiting for Rex to catch up.

In one long stride Rex was beside her and said, amusement clear in his   
voice, “I am a man of my word milady.”

 

Rex didn't lie to her; it was only one more block to the motel they were currently standing in front of. Opening the door for her, Padmé walked into a small but clean lobby. The walls were bare except for an Imperial recruitment poster that boasted _“Join the Imperial Navy and see the galaxy!”_

Guiding her past the empty front desk and towards the lift Padmé could feel the nervous energy rise around Rex.

Exiting the lift on the fourth floor, he led her to a door marked room 409. Rex didn't knock, but instead entered a passcode into the key pad by the door. It swished open; Padmé wavered in the doorway, but Rex didn't, marching straight into the room and he called out to someone she couldn't see.

“I’m back, and I brought company.”

Hurrying into the room so the door didn't close on her, Padmé looked around, all she saw was a plain white room equipped with a single bed and a small kitchenette.

“Hold on,” a disembodied voice called from the ‘fresher.

Padmé froze. She recognized that voice, despite not having heard it in almost a decade.

When the ‘fresher door opened and Ahsoka Tano walked out Padmé’s eyes welled with tears.

Without thinking she took three quick steps towards Ahsoka and enveloped her in a warm embrace; Ahsoka’s slender arms immediately wrapped around Padmé, and pressed her close. Padmé rested her head on Ahsoka’s shoulder; she closed her eyes letting the gathering tears overflow, and leave two tracks of wetness down her cheeks. After a few moments of standing like that they broke apart to look at each other.

Ahsoka wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before proclaiming. “This is unbelievable; you have no idea how happy I am to see you, Padmé.”

“How did you even know I was alive?” Padmé asked. Only four people-and one droid-even knew that she was alive, and she couldn't imagine any of them revealing the truth about her.

Ahsoka moved to the bed; sitting on the edge she patted the spot beside her, inviting Padmé to sit next to her.

“I think it was about two years ago,” she explained looking at Rex, who nodded. “We received a coded message from Senator Organa asking us if we were willing to come to Alderaan. He didn't give us a reason, and even though we were hesitant to venture so far into the core worlds, we decided to come anyway.”

“He and Queen Breha offered us asylum in the palace for a couple days before we set off on our mission. While we were there I met his daughter.”

Padmé couldn’t stop the rush of emotions that surged through her at the mention of Leia. She tried not to think about Luke or Leia too much. She wasn’t sure if that made her a bad mother, _(she never had the chance to be a mother at all)_ but if she thought about them too much she would drive herself insane.

Clearing her throat Ahsoka continued with her story. “When I met Leia the first thing I noticed was her Force presence. Children that young don’t burn that bright. When I asked Senator Organa who her biological parents were he became cagey; only telling me that they died. The next morning when we were about to leave he handed me a letter that held the truth about you and the parentage of Leia and her brother.”

Padmé was silent for a few seconds, absorbing the information. “Why do you think Bail told you the truth?” Padmé questioned.

“I’m not sure...hey you’re not mad that I tracked you down are you?” Looking at her young face Padmé could see doubt flickering in her eyes. “I know who you’re hiding from and I promise,” Ahsoka took her hands and squeezed them tightly. “Rex and I both promise that we would never betray you.”

Ahsoka’s sincerity reminded her so much of Anakin in that moment she wanted to cry.

“No, of course I’m not mad.” She smiled, ignoring the lump in her throat. “I’m overjoyed; I was so afraid that...that Vader might have killed you.”

Ahsoka’s death grip on her hands loosened. “Rex and I ran into him on Ryloth a year or so after…,”Ahsoka trailed off and lowered her eyes. Rex came to stand next to her placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It didn’t seem like he really wanted to fight, he spent most of his energy trying to convince me to join him.”

Padmé blinked, she didn’t know what to say. She looked down at the carpet, and took a deep breath.

Hoping her voice came out strong, she said. “Rex said that you would take me to Onderon, will you?”

Looking confused at the direction the conversation had taken; Ahsoka glanced at Rex and replied. “Yeah sure, I had no intention of staying on this planet any longer than necessary. It’s not safe for either of us to be this close to the Emperor.”

Looking at Rex once again he seemed to understand the unspoken request and said. “I’ll go warm up the ship.”

Ahsoka’s eyes followed him until he left the room; she then turned her piercing stare on Padmé. Uncomfortable from the scrutiny she shifted around on the bed until finally asking. “What?”

“I can’t believe you and Anakin were together the entire time, and you never even told me!”

Now she was the one confused at the direction the conversation had taken. Padmé was silent for a moment before responding. “We never told anyone. We couldn't. Besides looking back now you had to have seen how obvious it was.”

“It was one thing to think Master Skywalker was in love with you, but I would never have guessed that you guys were actually married!”

The way Ahsoka whispered _‘married’_ like it was a dirty word was enough to make Padmé throw her head back and laugh.

Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, Padmé could feel happiness bubbling in her chest. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed, and she certainly couldn't remember the last time thinking about Anakin made her want to do anything besides cry.

“It’s a moot point anyway.” Padmé explained. “We’re not together anymore.”

Ahsoka frowned. “Only because he thinks you’re dead, technically you’re still married.”

“The only reason we are still “technically married”, is because you can’t file for divorce when everyone thinks you’re dead.” Padmé argued. “Like I said, it’s a moot point; I can’t see us reconciling anytime in the near future.”

Before Ahsoka could utter a retort her commlink beeped; signaling that Rex was ready to take off.

 

The ship was docked in a Hangar about five minutes away from the motel. The ship was an older model, built before the clone wars. Despite its age it looked to be in almost perfect condition besides a few dents and blast marks.

Ahsoka and Rex were already sitting in the cockpit by the time Padmé walked up the gangplank.

“How long will it take to get to Onderon?” Padmé inquired.

“Onderon is located in the Inner Rim; it should only take us a few hours.” Ahsoka answered.

“Would you mind if I slept on the way there? I’ve been up all night and I’m exhausted.” Padmé confessed.

“No we don’t mind, there’s a bed in the back.” Ahsoka stood up from the captain’s seat and led her towards a room with a small cot in it. “We need the brave Padmé Amidala well rested if she is going to take on the Empire.” Ahsoka teased.

Padmé smiled at the playful tone in her friend’s voice. “I can’t thank the both of you enough for helping me like this, it really means a lot.”

“No thanks are necessary Padmé, I’m glad I can help you.” Ahsoka gave her a quick hug, and turned back to the cockpit.

Sitting down on the small cot Padmé kicked off her boots and released her hair from the simple braided hairstyle she wore it in. Leaning back against the wall and digging her toes into the soft blanket Padmé connected her commlink to her datapad and began to review the information Pryia sent her.

The man’s name was Flint Hakim- Padmé suspected it was an Alias- he was going to be in Iziz for the next five days, and all he requested was that the money be deposited in a private bank account in one large sum.  She didn’t like working with so little information; too many things could go wrong.

Padmé typed a quick message to Flint from her secure comm frequency, she instructed him where to meet her and what to bring. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer she quickly nodded off still slouched against the wall and datapad still in hand.

 

_She’s walking through a labyrinth. Its walls loom over her, trapping her inside this dark maze. The sound seems to have been completely sucked out of the room; the only noise she can make out are waves crashing in the distance. After trying to navigate around the maze for what feels like hours she finally hears it, the whir of Darth Vader’s breathing machine._

_Panic blooms in her chest. She begins to walk faster, trying desperately to find a way out. She doesn't dare turn around to see how close he is behind her. His steps never falter; maintaining the same steady pace.  Her fear is escalating, and she is openly running now, frantic at the thought of him catching her. It doesn't matter how matter how fast she runs, he is always just a few steps behind her._

_Dashing through the labyrinth she makes a sharp turn and finally sees it; a large intricately carved door with a bright light peeking through  underneath. She is almost to the door when she sees it in her mind’s eye; she sees his  black gloved hand outstretched towards her, just a breath away from grabbing her shoulder. The moment before he touches her she swings the door open and bolts through it._

_The harsh white light blinds her when she enters the other realm. When her sight returns to her she sees a large crowd and a bright blue sky. This world is garish and vibrant compared to the labyrinth she just escaped. She can still hear  waves crashing in the distance._

_Looking down at herself she notices that she’s wearing the white dress she wore to the victory parade after the Battle of Naboo. When she looks back up the crowd is no longer cheering. The silence is back, everyone is now turned in her direction and they are all staring at her, reproach clear in their eyes. Unnerved at the singular attention of everyone she feels her face grow hot underneath the royal makeup. Turning her head to look at where she remembers Anakin stood; she is instead greeted by the nightmarish visage of Darth Vader. She can feel her eyes widen, and before she has the chance to run away his hand grips her throat and squeezes hard._

 

Padmé lurched awake with a loud gasp, and pressed her hand to her throat. She attempted to reassure herself that it was just a dream.

_(Just a nightmare.)_

Her heart was pounding against her ribs and her breathing was coming out in quick pants. The stench of her sweat was pervasive in the small room.

_(An extremely realistic nightmare.)_

Looking at the small clock on a crate that served as a makeshift bedside table, Padmé noticed she was only asleep for half an hour.

After taking a few calming breaths Padmé picked up the datapad that was knocked off the bed when she woke up, and placed it back into her pack.

Padmé got up to flick the light off, and flipped the blanket down so that she rest more comfortably.

After a few minutes Padmé dozed off once again and fell in a thankfully dreamless sleep.

 


	3. only love can save me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little rushed so please forgive all the grammatical errors and typos. I will go back and fix them but I really wanted to get this chapter out.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing this is just for fun.

"Only love can save me and love has destroyed me."

-Sarah Cane, Crave

 

Padmé was roused from sleep by the sound of light tapping on the other side of the door. Alarmed at the unfamiliar surroundings, Padmé shot up off the bed before she recalled the events earlier in the day.

“Padmé wake up, we’re coming out of hyperspace soon and we need to figure out a plan.” Ahsoka spoke through the door.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, her voice was groggy when she replied. “I’m awake.” Clearing her throat, she tried again. “I’m awake; I’ll be out in a minute.”

After Ahsoka agreed, and Padmé heard her light footsteps move away from the door she got off the cot and began to get dressed.

Putting on her drab, but functional clothes made her long for her beautiful wardrobe she left behind. She had no idea what became of all her possessions, she supposed her family gathered her belongings from her apartment.

 _Anakin would never go back there._  

Shoving her feet into her scuffed boots, she walked out of the small room and into the cockpit. Looking out the front viewport she could see the streaking lights indicating they were still in hyperspace. Taking a seat in the chair behind Rex she didn’t have the chance to speak before Ahsoka asked. “So why are you going to Onderon?”

Padmé knew that she could trust both of them with the truth. “I went to Coruscant to get information from one of my contacts about a man who is selling starfighter prototype plans. This would be a big gain for our cause that as of right now; is made up of political idealists, former members of the Confederation of Independent Systems-“

“Wait, back up.” Ahsoka interrupted. “You mean _Separatists_ belong to the Alliance?” Her tone was incredulous.

“ _Former Separatists_ ,” Padmé corrected. “It’s not surprising; they thought the Republic was corrupt long before Palpatine established a tyrannical regime.”

“They didn’t know how good they had it back then.” Rex Joked. He then turned serious, muttering. “It was simpler when it was just Us versus Them. Now you don’t know who to trust.” Padmé saw him raise his hand to the back of his shaved skull where he traced an ugly scar.

“Looking back now, I don’t think it was ever simple.” Ahsoka mused.

Padmé was silent for a moment before continuing. “Like I was saying, the Alliance as it stands right now is not a real threat to the Empire. We need weapons and we need a fleet if we have to fight.”

 _“If?”_ Rex echoed. “Do you really think the Empire and the Alliance can sit down and agree to some type of diplomatic solution?” Rex sounded skeptical.

Before she could speak Ahsoka interjected. “When she was a Senator, Padmé always believed diplomacy first; fighting second.” Hearing the admiration in her tone Padmé gave her a small smile.

Turning to Rex she confessed. “Honestly? No I don’t believe Palpatine will ever give up power. I was part of a committee that once tried to convince him to leave office and it didn’t work, but I can’t turn my back on all of my principles.” She wishes she was still has idealistic as she was when she was younger. She wishes the path she was put upon didn’t force her to become so cynical.

_“The Gods rarely ask for our opinions when it comes to how our lives should go.” She remembers her grandmother saying._

Breaking the awkward silence, Ahsoka asked Padmé. “Who is this man that you have to meet?”

“His name is Flint Hakim, according to my contact he is an engineer at Incomm Industries that has information and is willing to sell it for a sizable amount of credits.”

“His only motivation is money?” Rex questioned

“That’s the only motivation he felt was necessary to reveal.” Padmé answered, shrugging her shoulders.

Turning back to face the controls when the ship signaled that it was coming out of hyperspace Ahsoka asked. “So where are we going to meet this Flint guy?”

“There is a public library on the edge of the cities walls, I told him to meet me in one of the rooms used for private study.”

Both Ahsoka and Rex looked at her with their eyebrows raised. “Really?” Ahsoka scoffed. “We’re going to meet him in a library?”

“Yes, a library.” she mirrored. “Most people and that includes Imperials; believe that every underground arms deal has to happen in a shady bar or a back ally. So we take advantage of that oversight and plan accordingly.” Padmé explained.

Throughout her years of working with the Alliance she has traveled all over the galaxy. She has been sent to luxurious hotel suites, and she has been sent to a shack on an outer rim planet with no plumbing.  

Catching on to Ahsoka’s continued use of ‘we’ Padmé states. “I appreciate you taking me here, but I can do this alone. I don’t need you putting yourself in danger for me.”

They spin their chairs in unison both turning to face her, Ahsoka spoke first “You didn’t really think we would let you do this by yourself did you?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but it’s against my code of honor to let one of my men go on a mission without sufficient back up.” Rex sounded stern, but she could see she humor flickering in his eyes.

Padmé grinned at his attempted joke, before she could speak a toneless voice cut in from the intercom on the control panel.

“Contacting unknown starship; this is control tower HIC-5758 please state your purpose.”

“Control tower HIC-5758 this is the _“Red Lady”_ requesting permission to land.”

Padmé became uneasy when she heard the voice over the speaker. Her back was tense against the back of the chair, and her nails bit into the flesh of her palms where she clenched her hands. Ahsoka was a former Jedi, what if they could find a way to identify her? Padmé knows the law; she knows what happens to Jedi when they evade capture for too long. The punishment becomes harsher the longer they refuse to turn themselves in. Padmé knows that if Anakin let her go once he wouldn’t be so kind a second time.

“Please state your purpose “ _Red Lady_.” The disembodied voice repeated.

“It’s a personal one,” Ahsoka disclosed. “We’re here to visit a friend.”

The speaker was silent for a few seconds before accepting the answer. “Do not deviate from your current course while we scan your ship.”

Padmé let out a relieved breath and unclenched her hands while she relaxed her shoulders.

Ahsoka flashed Padmé a sly grin over the seat “Don’t be so nervous, we do this all the time.”

Padmé just shook her head in exasperation thinking once again about how much Ahsoka reminded her of Anakin.

“So do I, but it’s a lot less nerve wracking  when it’s just me, and I’m not being accompanied by an enemy of the state and a former clone trooper.”

Ahsoka and Rex just turned their heads and smiled at each other.

_Are they……?_

Padmé ignored the thought, deciding it wasn’t really her business.

xXx

The ship landed outside the city walls on the outskirts of Iziz.  Padmé walked down the gangplank she slipped her jacket over her shoulders, and placed her commlink in her right coat pocket.  

The plan was that Padmé would make contact with Flint-he only expected one person and they didn’t want to spook him-while Rex and Ahsoka followed her from a distance to make sure she was safe.

“Are you taking your blaster with you?’ Ahsoka asked as she followed her down the gangplank, her gait confident.

 “No, there is a checkpoint at the entrance of the city, and metal detectors in the library.” Padmé explained. “All I’m taking with me is my commlink and my false identification papers.” They weren’t really forged; they were authentic papers Bail had arranged for her when she went underground. They identified that her name was Phoebe Taly, and she was born and raised in Aldera.

Ahsoka reached out and swiped the papers out of Padmé’s unsuspecting hand.

“Thirty?’ Ahsoka giggled. “I thought you were-“

Snatching the papers out of Ahsoka’s hands she shoved them in her pocket and said. “It’s a fake identity; everything on it is a lie.”

Ahsoka was still giggling when Rex joined them, standing next to Ahsoka he said. “Does everyone know the plan?”

“Yes, now I have to go or I’m going to be late.” Padmé rushed out. Before she could leave Ahsoka gave her a tight hug and whispered in her ear. “Stay safe.”

Padmé pulled away, and gave both of them a smiled she hoped was reassuring. She began to walk towards Iziz, the capital city of Onderon. It was still early in the morning; Padmé could see the dew still clinging to the grass and it glinted when the sun hit it. The air smelled fresh and the birding were chirping, she could tell it was going to be a beautiful day.

The journey from where the ship landed to the city’s main entrance gate didn’t take long; most of the merchants already arrived in the city to set up their stalls in the main square so the wait at the entrance was brief.

There were two guards standing at the entrance; they wore dark green uniforms and carried military grade blasters. One of them waved her up, and she tried not to look as anxious has she felt. It didn’t matter how many times Padmé had done this, she was always paranoid someone would eventually recognize her.

“Identification.” The guard said in a brusque voice. He looked down at her papers before looking back up at her and studying her face carefully. She knew it was only a couple seconds, but in her mind it had felt like time had slowed down.

The guard hadn’t noticed her anxiety, he stiffly handed back her identification; without looking at her, and said in a bored voice. “Enjoy your visit.” She let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, and forced herself to give the guard a pleasant smile.

Padmé strode into the city; immediately heading towards the direction of the library. When she reached the building she wiped her sweaty palms on the back of her pants and took the steps leading up to the library by two. When she reached the top of the steps she was startled when she looked at the door.

It was the same one she envisioned in her dream _(nightmare)_ it was much more imposing in real life than it was in her head. The door looked to be almost four meters tall; it had beautiful intricately designs carved into the dark wood. Padmé decided it was just a coincidence; it wasn't like she had never been here before.

Padmé manually pushed open the door. It made a loud screech that echoed in the building and caused the woman at the front desk to look up at her with bright eyes. She nodded her head to the woman who instantly looked back down at her work. Apparently she was expecting someone else Padmé thought with amusement.

Padmé crossed the black and white checked marble floor and headed towards the wing of the building that was used as rooms for private studying.

She had instructed Flint to meet her in the first room on the left; when she pressed the button to open the door she found a skinny human male already seated at the round wooden table in the center of the room. He jolted out of his seat and caused his chair to tip over when he heard the door open. Padmé could tell he was nervous, the trembling of his hands was visible to her from the door, and sweat beaded around his brow.

“Are-are you Pad-.” He stuttered out. Padmé walked into the room and shushed him. “No names, but yes I am the one you are supposed to meet.”

Flint looked relieved; he sat back down and took a deep breath. Padmé sat across from him and waited for him to speak. She could tell she made him nervous from her staring, but she needed to see if there was any type of deception in his eyes.

For all his bumbling Padmé couldn't get a read on this man. That made her uneasy, when she was a politician it was part of her job to be able to tell how trustworthy a person was just by feelings alone.

_Almost like a Jedi. She teased Anakin once. He just laughed, saying he would love to see the council’s face if he told them they were  just like politicians._

Flint slid the data disk across the table and said in a low voice. “Here are the blue prints you were promised. Do you have my money?”

“You’ll get your money when the intel you have given us can be verified.” Padmé clarified.

“That wasn't part of the deal-,” He objected.

“It was unspoken; you didn't expect us to pay you one hundred thousand credits for useless information, did you?” Padmé’s voice was sharp; her feelings told her something was off, and she was becoming troubled.

He reached over the desk to slide the disk back over to his side, but Padmé was quicker, and covered it with her hand.

“Relax; if what you have given us is useful then you’ll get your money.” Padmé tried to make her voice softer, and attempted to reassure the boy. Maybe he was just scared. “What you’re doing is very brave and will help millions of beings. The Alliance isn’t a terrorist organization like the Imperial propaganda would have you believe, we are a group of individuals who love democracy and we want to see justice and equality returned to the galaxy.”

She had hoped her words would ease Flint’s mind. He moved his hands away from the disk and placed them under the table; hiding them from her view. He gave her a brief tight-lipped smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Sorry it-it’s just that I’ve never done this before, and I’m afraid of getting arrested.” He looked at her with dark eyes full of worry, and his skin looked ashen. “I’ve heard what they do to Rebels and-,” He cut himself off and lowered his voice continuing. “I’ve heard rumors about what Darth Vader can do with his Force tricks.”

Padmé remembers when people would say her husband’s name with admiration, now his name is whispered like it belongs to a demon that is summoned when its name is spoken aloud.

_Stop it. Stop thinking about how things used to be. The past can’t help you now; thinking about it will only cause you to falter. You need to look towards the future; a future where Palpatine is dead and your children are alive._

“Don’t worry about Darth Vader.” She insisted, keeping her voice firm. “What you need to worry about is making sure that this meeting never comes to the attention of the Empire. Do you understand that, Flint?”

He gave a weak nod of his head. Satisfied with his answer she took the data disk and slipped it into her pocket.

“Aren't you going to check that to make sure I’m not lying?” Flint asked. His eyes darted from her coat pocket to her face.

“No, I trust you.” She lied, giving him a smile. “You don’t look very well; maybe you should go get some rest.” Padmé suggested. Her voice was sweet, and it held no hint that she suspected Flint was being dishonest.   

Wordlessly giving another nod of his head he stood quickly, slightly tripping over his long legs, and hurried through the door.

She listened for his footsteps to fade away before she commed Ahsoka. “Where are you?” she inquired.

“I’m standing outside on the street across from the library. Why?”

“A boy is about to walk out. He his tall with Red hair, dark eyes, and is wearing a black coat with lettering across the back. Follow him.”

“Who is he?” Padmé could hear the edge of worry in her voice. “What went on in there, Padmé?”

“That was Flint, and I’m not entirely sure he was being honest with me. I need you to track him and see if he speaks to anyone.” Padmé felt dread creep up her spine and a knot form in the pit of her stomach. She needed to get out of this room and back on the ship as soon as possible.

“I’m on it.” Ahsoka replied tersely, cutting off communication.

Padmé stood stiffly. She held the commlink clamped tightly in her palms, and headed for the door. Her finger hovered over the button to open the door as she worked up the courage to face whatever was waiting for her on the other side.

Padmé took a deep breath, and pushed the button. Looking out into the hallway Padmé saw that it was completely empty.

She released out a relieved sigh, and felt her tense shoulders relax.

_I’m just being paranoid. Flint was just nervous, he said it himself. That is how the Emperor controls anyone who would defy him; with fear._

She strode swiftly to the stairs that would carry her downstairs and towards the backdoor exit. Stepping lightly down the staircase Padmé was almost to the bottom when she saw two guards blocking the exit. Padmé froze. They hadn’t noticed her yet so she could still turn around, and run back up the steps. On the other hand maybe they were just at their post and she could show them her identification and slip away.

She didn’t have time to make up her mind; one of the guards noticed her and pointed.

“Halt!” He commanded. “We need to speak with you.” They didn’t look very menacing. They were both middle-aged, over-weight and had graying hair. Padmé knew if she bolted now they wouldn’t be able to catch up with her.

She also knew it would look suspicious if she ran so she forced herself to face the guards and smile politely. Padmé walked down the rest of the stairs slowly and tried to keep calm.

“What can I help you with today, officer?” Padmé worked hard to keep her tone neutral.

“A report has come in about a possibility that there are Rebels in the building. We are asking everyone if they have seen any type of suspicious persons wondering around, or if they’ve seen anything strange.”

Padmé hoped that her reaction looked genuine. She put a shocked look on her face and hoped her voice sounded shaken enough, she answered. “No, I haven’t seen anything suspicious. Are you sure you’re looking in the right place? A library doesn’t seem the kind of place you would find Rebels.”

“Rest assured ma’am our intelligence comes from high up on the Imperial chain of command.” Padmé knew his intention was to placate her, but in that moment she felt like the ground had dissolved beneath her feet.

Unable to find her voice, Padmé stared at the guard before she said. “What a relief. Now if I may go I need to return to my ship.”

“You can go, but all ships are grounded until all the Rebels are caught I’m afraid.”

“Well then I hope you find them soon.” Padmé said. She hoped her voice came out light and not the strangled croak that it sounded like to her own ears.

She inclined her heads to both the guards has she left the building, Padmé looked for an empty ally so she could make contact with Ahsoka. She leaned against a brick wall and spoke into the commlink. “Ahsoka, are you there?” after a few minutes of silence she tried again. “Ahsoka, can you hear me?”

Once again she was met with just static. Padmé tried to contact Rex next, but she received no answer from him either.

_I’m officially worried._

Padmé pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and whispered a weary “Fuck.” She closed her eyes and tried to think of a plan. Her mind drew a blank. She was tired, hungry, and her nerves were shot.

_It’s amazing I haven’t had a stroke yet._

She opened her eyes and pushed off the wall, she decided that the best plan of action was to go back to the ship and wait for Ahsoka and Rex to return.

The walk back to the ship took about half the time the first trip did. She spent the entire walk worried about Rex and Ahsoka. She would never forgive herself if Ahsoka got caught because she insisted protecting Padmé. She still hasn’t gotten over the guilt of what Anakin did in the name of her protection.

 The hot morning sun beat down on her causing her to perspire. She was forced to take off her jacket and push up her shirt sleeves to remain cool.

The _“Red Lady”_ was in her sights when she heard a voice shout from the tall grass behind her.

“There she is! Don’t let her get away!”

Padmé didn’t think; it was instinct that guided her movements, she dropped her jacket and made a sharp left turn. The move took her away from the ship and further into the dense population of trees Ahsoka landed next to.  She wished desperately for her blaster when she heard them shout. “Set to stun! Don’t kill her!”

Padmé ran as fast as her feet allowed her, her breath was ragged and she thought her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She wasn't sure where she was headed the only thought in her head was _escape._

She ran along the forest floor for a few more minutes before she stopped to rest against a large tree with a huge base that would be easy to hide behind. She felt woozy, and she tried to remember the last time she ate. Padmé refused to faint; this was not the time or the place she warned herself. She gritted her teeth against the hunger pains that were made worse by the ache in her side.

She stilled when she heard a twig snap near her, she refused to breathe; all she heard was the blood as it rushed through her ears. “Captain, there is no sign of the fugitive anywhere. I’m returning back to base camp, Over.”   

Padmé didn’t let out a sigh of relief afraid it would capture the attention of the storm trooper. She should have known her luck would have run out eventually, just then her commlink blared with Ahsoka’s voice. “Padmé, are you there?” Padmé was so surprised that she dropped the device into the soft dirt at the base of the tree. She whispered multiple expletives in a row as she searched for the damning item.

“Padmé, I followed Flint, I saw him talking to a storm-.” Padmé finally found the comm and cut of the transmission. She peeked around the tree to see if the storm trooper was still around.

He saw her when she stuck her head out behind the tree trunk and shouted. “Stop! You are under arrest for-.” She didn’t wait for him to finish, she pushed off the tree and ran.

Before she could make it very far she felt all of her limbs go numb at once and fell; hitting her head hard on a sharp rock  all she saw was darkness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. If i had a flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter I've written so far btw there is a tiny sex scene(just a paragraph) towards the end so if that's not your kind of thing you can just scroll past it. I don't have a beta so all the typos and grammatical errors are my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm just doing this for fun.

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

 

Padmé Amidala was stirred from sleep by an incessant beeping next to her ear. She cracked her eyes open, but quickly shut them against the blinding white lights in the room. She let out a small groan of discomfort and swallowed thickly; her throat was painfully dry. Padmé tried to open her eyes again but a sharp burst of pain in her skull forced her to close them. Padmé couldn’t remember what happened to her or why her head was in so much pain. She tried to lift her right arm but when something hindered her from doing so she carefully opened to eyes to see she was handcuffed to a medical bed.

“Ah, I see you’re finally awake.” Padmé looked over in the direction the voice was coming from, she saw a Mon Calamari in a lab coat followed by a medical droid walk towards her.

“Where am I?’ she croaked. Before the doctor answered her, she poured her a cup of water and handed it to her promptly. The Mon Calamari waited until she gulped it all down before speaking.

“You’re still on Onderon in a medical facility. When you fell it seems you hit your head pretty hard on a rock, there isn’t any permanent damage except maybe some short term memory loss.”

 As the doctor was talking to her she prodded her head with her soft webbed fingers.Padmé was having trouble following what the woman was saying. Her head felt heavy; it felt like someone was beating a drum behind her eyelids. “There should only be minimal scaring, but if you wear a bacta patch for a few days it should fade away entirely. I’m Doctor Lahna Suihan by the way, do you have any questions?”

Padmé licked her chapped lips and cleared her throat. “How long was I asleep?”

Doctor Suihan poured her another cup of water and then began to unravel the piece of cloth wrapped around Padmé’s head. “You’ve been unconscious for nine hours; I gave you a mild pain killer for your head injury.”

Padmé tried to recall what she had done earlier in the day and why she was Onderon. The last thing she remembered was talking to Pryia Vonn about…Vader. Why was she talking about Darth Vader? The more she thought about it the worse her headache became.

“Why am I handcuffed to the bed?”  All Padmé had to go on were fuzzy images; it was like trying to remember a dream you had already forgotten.

“You were arrested for suspicion of treason against the Emperor. I wouldn’t worry about it; you look far too nice to be involved with any of those troublemakers.” As the woman prattled on, Padmé wracked her brain trying to remember what she’s done lately to get her arrested. She remembered running through a forest and something about a data disk, but that’s all.

“I’m going to have 3-1C give you a quick scan to make sure there is no internal damage. Is there anything else you need?”

“Can I have something to eat? I’m Starving.” Padmé asked. She did the math in her head and realized it has been over ten hours since she last remembered she ate something.

Lahna looked around nervously “The officer said I wasn’t allowed to feed you.”

“Please, I won’t tell them.” Padmé pleaded. She knew the reason they didn’t want her to eat; it was to keep her weak so it would be easier to get her to confess. The doctor looked at the door hesitantly before going to a cupboard and pulling out a box of crackers.

“Just a few, please don’t tell them, I can’t lose my job. Wait until 3-1C has scanned you, and then you can eat.”

Padmé sat up on the bed as best she could while her arm was still chained to the bed railing. While the medical droid scanned her she started getting flashes of what happened.

_I met with Pryia on Coruscant to discuss starship plans and…..and then Rex and Ahsoka found me and took me to Onderon to meet in a library. I was supposed to meet someone… I can’t remember who I was supposed to meet…._

The droid interrupted her thoughts with its toneless diagnosis. “Scan complete. No permanent damage was sustained to the patient.” After the droid rolled away Padmé ripped into the packaging that contained the crackers.

Padmé and Doctor Lahna Suihan sat in silence while she tried her best to get comfortable on the bed. The doctor looked as though she was about to speak before she was interrupted by the door suddenly opening. Four storm troopers all carrying weapons walked into the room followed by an Imperial officer with a severe expression on his face. He turned to Lahna and introduced himself not bothering to spare Padmé a glance.

“I’m Officer Alexander Kazak, here to escort the prisoner to a secure holding facility on the moon of Dxun.” The man was thin with a pale complexion, and blonde hair. “Is the prisoner at full health?”

The doctor flicked her eyes towards Padmé before she spoke to Officer Kazak. “I need to apply a bacta patch to her forehead, but other than that she is fine. She does have a bit of memory loss-.”

Officer Kazak cut her off “Most rebels do when they are questioned.” He sneered. “Just give her what she needs so I can be on my way.”

Lahna was made uneasy by his brusque manner, but carried on her duties as quickly as she could. After she smoothed down the patch on Padmé’s forehead she gave her an almost imperceptible smile and whispered. “Good luck.”

Padmé didn’t have a chance to respond, once Lahna backed away, Officer Kazak pulled a key out and released her from the bed. He quickly snapped the other cuff around her wrist and tightened it so it painfully chaffed her wrists. Two storm troopers grabbed her arms and forcefully led her out the door.

Padmé knew they didn’t need her to make a confession if they wanted to convict her, but going to prison was the least of her problems. Her main concern was if they ran her DNA through a database and see she is not Phoebe Taly of Alderaan, but Padmé Amidala of The Naboo; everything she has sacrificed will be for nothing. Once her identity was revealed she knew it wouldn’t take long for it to reach Anakin and then he would come for her.

She was jolted out of her depressing thoughts by a storm trooper that gave her a hard shove into the shuttle that would take her to Dxun. Dxun was a jungle moon of Onderon mostly known as the home of vicious carnivorous beasts.

The twenty minute shuttle ride was filled by an oppressive silence that caused Padmé to be acutely aware of every single sound she made. The officer didn’t seem to like noise, and glared at her every time she even so much as shuffled her feet.

She stared straight ahead looking at the blank wall of the shuttle when it hit her.

_Flint Hakim! That was who I was supposed to meet…I wonder if he was the one who gave me up to the Imperials. I hope Rex and Ahsoka got away and I hope they don’t try anything foolish._

When they arrived on Dxun the sun was setting and set an orange glow around everything. The moon’s surface was uncomfortably humid, and the brief walk from the shuttle to the detention center felt as if she was walking through soup.

When Padmé walked into the cool building she was so grateful she forgot she was there to be interrogated. She didn’t forget for long, as soon as she entered the building Officer Kazak grabbed her arm in a bruising grip and marched down a dark hallway. She tried her best to keep up with his long strides, but his legs were much longer than hers and she had to take two steps to meet his one.

At the end of the hallway was a large gleaming black desk with three Imperial officers each working at a computer terminal. Kazak didn’t bother waiting for them to look up when he arrived; he spoke to them in a sharp authoritative tone. “Transferring prisoner Y-097 to cell block TH-212 to await integration.”

All three guards startled when Kazak spoke, but only one jumped up from his seat to address him. “Of course Sir, you just need to sign this.” Kazak quickly scribbled his signature on a piece flimsy and handed it back to the young officer with a brisk nod of his head.

He made a right down another hallway illuminated only by dim lights in the ceiling. There were doors on each side of the hallway with numbers of them. He stopped in front of a door abruptly causing Padmé to bump into him, he jerked back and scowled at her before he opened the door and shoved her into the cell.

She waited until he had taken off her handcuffs to question him about what was going to happen to her, but he interjected when he saw her open her mouth.

“Don’t bother asking questions; I won’t answer them. You will wait here until we’ve finished with your companion.”

Confused, Padmé asked. “What companion? I was-.”

“Don’t lie. He was in there all but five minutes before he confessed to everything.” Kazak gloated. He didn’t give Padmé a chance to refute his claims; he abruptly tuned around and shut the door.  She could hear his boot heels click against the hard floor as he stalked away.

 Padmé let out a small sigh and sat on the cold bench placed on the back wall of the cell. Padmé assumed Kazak was talking about Flint, which meant that Ahsoka and Rex were still free. The only other people beyond herself that knew about the mission to Onderon were Bail, Mon, and Pryia. Padmé knew Bail and Mon would never betray her or the Alliance, which left only Pryia as the informer.

She didn’t want to believe that Pryia was capable of such a thing, but the circumstances were made her the most obvious suspect. Padmé wishes she wasn’t inn this damn cell so she could contact Bail, or anyone in the Alliance for that matter, and explain what had happened.

_What if Pryia just didn’t tip off the Imperials about me, but about everyone involved in the Alliance?_

Padmé felt completely helpless; there was nothing she could do while she was stuck in this cell. Not for the first time, she wished she could use the Force; to be able to call on the energy of the entire galaxy and be able to manipulate it would be incredibly useful in trying times such as this.

Padmé curled on her side trying to get comfortable on the hard bench; the cool air she originally appreciated is now uncomfortable in just her thin shirt. She wished she still had her jacket-.

_Oh shit! The data disk with the blueprints is still in my jacket pocket._

Padmé prayed that Ahsoka and Rex found the disk; if it was in the hands on the Empire it would be harder to convince them she was innocent.

Padmé wasn’t sure how long she waited before she heard the sound of footsteps headed towards her cell door. The door swished open and revealed two storm troopers; one was carrying handcuffs and wordlessly gestured for her to get up.

After they cuffed her hands behind her back they led her further down the hall and into another dark room with a single table and two chairs. The storm trooper forced her to sit and released her hands from behind her back.

They exited the room without a word, and left Padmé to sit in silence in the cold room. She pressed her forearms against the stainless steel table and stared straight ahead looking into the one way mirror. Padmé knew they were watching her; she refused to show any sign of the fear she actually felt inside.  

She cracked her knuckles, took a deep breath, and tried to keep her mind off the dangerous situation she found herself in. She thought about Naboo; it was winter there now, Theed looked so beautiful at night; covered in white snow illuminated by soft colorful lights celebrating the solstice.

She remembered her birthday was in two weeks, followed by Sabé’s three days later. She thought about the new spring collection from her favorite fashion house she saw in a three month old fashion magazine; she flipped through it as she waited to board the shuttle leaving Christophsis.

Immersed in her thoughts she didn’t notice when the door opened and a droid rolled in followed by the same young officer that was seated at the main desk. He didn’t offer any introductions, he just told the droid. “Destroy the samples when a match has been made.”

“Yes, Sir.” The droid obeyed. “Please place your hand on the scanner.”

Padmé clenched her hands and continued to stare straight ahead. She saw the young man fiddle nervously with his hands out of the corner of her eye. The droid repeated. “Please place your hand on the scanner.” Just then Padmé heard a loud crash somewhere outside the detention center. When she turned her head to the direction she thought the sound came from the officer grabbed her hand and shoved it on the scanner holding it there until the green blinked green. Padmé jerked her hand out of his grasp after the droid left the room and said. “It’s illegal to do DNA testing without consent of the patient.”

“You’re a Rebel you have no rights.” He stated in a matter-of-fact voice.

Padmé wasn’t shocked. “You haven’t even asked me any questions.” Padmé gritted out. “I at least deserve the chance to defend myself, and prove my innocence.” She tried to cool her rising anger; she knew the Empire didn’t care about rights violations, but she expected them to pretend.

“Your friend told us everything we need to know. We know your name isn’t Phoebe Taly, and once we uncover your identity you’ll be extradited to your home planet to await a trial.”

Padmé was going to give up so easily. “Please you have the wrong person; my name is Phoebe I was born on Alderaan and lived in Aldera my whole life. This is a huge mistake.” Padmé begged desperately. She even tried to produce a few tears to make the lie look genuine.

“Funny. We contacted our Alderaan base and asked them to look you up, you have no birth records, and you never went to school.” Padmé could hear the mocking tone in his voice. “It’s almost like you never existed.” He finished, looking down his nose at her.

When Padmé was a Queen and a Senator she had power and commanded respect. Now as she lived like any other ordinary anonymous being of the galaxy she had none of that; it was one of the aspects of her old she missed most.

Before she could utter a retort she heard someone on the other side of the one way mirror bang on the glass. The officer took a brief glance at the source of the sound and walked out of the door at a hurried pace.

Padmé tried to calm her nerves again; they had to have known by now who she was. She couldn’t even begin to guess what they were going to do about the information they’d just discovered. She hoped they believed it was just a glitch and wouldn’t report the results of her DNA test.

This time when the door opened Officer Kazak stalked in with a pinched expression on his face.

“Who are you?” He demanded in a taut voice.

Padmé straightened in her chair. “Like I told the previous officer; my name is Phoebe Taly I was-.” Padmé was cut off from her lie when Kazak slammed his hand on the table and shouted. “Don’t fucking lie to me!” She could see twin patches of red appear on his pale cheeks.

Padmé was startled at the quick change of the man’s demeanor so much that it caused her to lose her concentration, she stammered out. “I-I am telling the truth.”

Kazak seemed to regain some of his cool and sat down in the chair across from her, in a low tone he asked. “I wonder what the Emperor would say.”

Not expecting that question Padmé blinked twice before answering. “I’m not sure I follow. What does the Emperor have anything to do with me?”

He gave her a small humorless smile. “Well,” He started. “The Emperor’s home world is Naboo-though I suspect you already knew that- and I’m just wondering how he would react to learn that a former Queen and Senator for Naboo is a member of the Rebel Alliance.”

Padmé waited for the absolute panic to set in, the dread at the realization that her secret was out; it would only be a matter of time before Anakin found her and learned the truth about her babies. It never came; if anything Padmé felt relief that someone knew, even if that someone was an Imperial goon.

Padmé chose not to deny the accusation, all she did was sit back in her chair and give Kazak a serene smile, and calmly she answered. “You could never tell with Palpatine; he said one thing, but meant the other.” She shrugged her shoulders, like it was an amusing little quirk.

Kazak looked shocked by her statement, forging ahead he prompted. “So you admit you’re Padmé Amidala Naberrie?” He leaned forward excitedly. Padmé wondered if it was a requirement for Imperials to act like slimy bottom feeders.

Just then Padmé heard the tell-tale hum of a lightsaber followed by the sound of blasters.  Padmé was relieved; she lied to herself when she hoped that Ahsoka and Rex left without trying anything foolish.

Kazak stood when he heard the commotion and pulled a small blaster from a holster in his boot. He turned and faced the door; an optimal position for shooting whoever entered the room and blocking Padmé from escaping.

“She’s in here! Go, I’ll be fine.” She heard Ahsoka shout through the door. Padmé tensed her muscles and got ready to spring at Kazak when he let his guard slip.

The door swished open and Ahsoka came into view. Kazak raised his blaster, but Ahsoka kicked it out of his hands, it went scattering across the floor and landed next to Padmé.

She rushed out of her chair and quickly picked it up off the floor. When she looked up she saw Ahsoka with her palm raised and Kazak forced against the wall.

Without looking at her Ahsoka asked. “Are you okay?” Padmé could hear anger in her voice.

“Yes I’m fine. Where’s Rex?” Padmé looked at the staring contest between Ahsoka and Kazak with interest. When Ahsoka didn’t answer her question, she repeated herself. “He is securing us passage off this Force forsaken moon.” She finally answered.

Ahsoka released Kazak and he slid down to the floor. Padmé immediately trained her blaster on him and asked. “What happened to the _“Red Lady?”_

Ahsoka pointed her green lightsaber under his chin and said. “She was an unfortunate casualty in the ongoing battle to preserve peace and justice in the galaxy.”

_That didn’t really answer my question._

Padmé didn’t push it, instead she flicked her eyes at Ahsoka and then back to Kazak and said. “He knows. He knows who I really am.”

Ahsoka didn’t skip a beat. “Should we kill him?”

Padmé was unnerved at her blunt question, she then remembered Ahsoka fought in a full-scale war at fifteen, she didn’t squirm at the idea of killing as much as Padmé did. Padmé knows she’s killed people before, but that was always in self-defense. Killing Kazak while he was unarmed didn’t sit right with her.

_If he survives it isn’t just your life that is at risk, but the lives of Luke and Leia as well._

With that thought Padmé squeezed the trigger and shot Officer Alexander Kazak through the left eye.

She didn’t stay and listen to his screams; Padmé hastily stalked out of the room followed closely by Ahsoka. When she was far enough away that she couldn’t hear him anymore she faced Ahsoka and declared. “Don’t tell anyone what happened in there.”  Padmé couldn’t read the look in Ahsoka’s eyes, so she added. “Please?”

Ahsoka laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, “I won’t.” Ahsoka then gave her a reassuring smile. “Come on it’s only a little bit farther ‘til we’re out of here.”

As they swiftly jogged down the hallway Padmé remembered Flint. “Wait, what happened to Flint?”

Ahsoka continued to walk next to her and asked. “Who? Wait you mean that kid with red hair?” When Padmé nodded her head she saw Ahsoka frown. “I saw him escorted onto a shuttle when I came in.” They heard footsteps in the distance so they began to walk hastily in step down the hall. “Why do you care? I though he was the one who ratted you out.”

The large opening where Ahsoka cut a hole in the wall became visible. “No, I’m starting to think it was Pryia; my contact on Coruscant.” She explained.

She could tell Ahsoka didn’t know what to say, she just looked over at her and awkwardly said. “Shit, Padmé I’m sorry. That sucks.”

Letting out a weak chuckle Padmé agreed. “Yes it definitely does.”

It was pitch black outside when Ahsoka and Padmé stepped out in the jungle; Ahsoka ignited her lightsaber to offer a source of light. The moon’s surface was cooler now that it was dark, but the air still felt thick when she walked through it. Ahsoka spoke into her wrist. “Rex, I’ve got Padmé and we’re outside waiting for you.”

Rex responded immediately. “On my way, just send me your location.” After Ahsoka sent him the coordinates and cut the transmission it was complete silence.

“Why isn’t anyone coming after us?” Padmé asked as she looked around.

“There were only six storm troopers and four officers in the entire building,” Ahsoka explained. “This place is pretty much Imperial exile.”

“So what happened to all of them?” Padmé hated to think that Ahsoka killed them all just to save her. She hated the Empire and couldn’t wait for the day it finally fell, but she realized that it was made up of men and women who had families and friends and they all didn’t deserve to die.

“I just locked them in a room.” Ahsoka replied flippantly, and then gave her a grin like she knew what Padmé was thinking.

Just above them Padmé saw a _Lambda_ class shuttle fly low over their heads before it touched down in front of them.

“Is that-?” Padmé wondered aloud.

“They are the only ships available on this moon.” Padmé could hear the smile in Ahsoka’s voice. “With this it will be much easier to sneak onto Pantora.”

Padmé froze as she walked up the ramp that Rex deployed when he landed. Pantora was one of the planets under the most Imperial surveillance. After the Republic fell Padmé remembered how much Former Senator Chuchi protested the creation of the Empire. She was never able to garner enough support in the Senate to dismantle the Empire, and after she was brutally assaulted one night in her senatorial apartment she retired.

Padmé knows that Palpatine had one of his thugs attack Riyo Chuchi, and she was forced to resign. Palpatine appointed a more agreeable politician to represent Pantora, but ever since she very publically tried to cause dissent in the Senate Pantora was under constant observation by the Empire.

“We can’t go there! Are you crazy?” Padmé didn't want to keep running and hiding from Imperial custody; all she wanted to do was rest and regroup before putting herself in peril again.

“That would be the last place they would think to look.” Ahsoka’s eyes were bright when she explained her insane plan. “Rex will pretend to be an Imp so we can get through planetary security, then when we land we can ditch the ship and find Riyo.”

“They won’t _have_ to look for us because we’re just handing ourselves over to them. You know how closely they watch Chuchi and they are going to see us.” Padmé felt herself becoming annoyed. This was one of the traits Anakin had that rubbed off on Ahsoka that Padmé couldn’t stand; the utter recklessness and refusal to think rationally.

They heard a loud growl coming somewhere close to the ship. At the same time they remembered that this moon had many carnivorous predators that would love to eat them, they quickly ran up the gangplank and into the ship.

“Padmé you need to trust me, Pantora is in the outer rim and it’s not like it’s hard to fool an Imperial soldier.” Padmé lifted the corners of her mouth in a small smile at her joke and nodded her head. “Very well Ahsoka, I trust your judgment.” If Padmé wasn't as tired as she was she would have tried to fight her harder, but she just didn’t have it in her right now. She sat heavily in one of the shuttle seats and closed her eyes.

“Don’t look so gloomy; I have something that might cheer you up.” She opened her eyes not bothering to turn her head from the wall it rested against. “The only thing that could cheer me up right now is a hot shower and a very larger drink.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ahsoka waving something around. “Not as good as a hot shower,” she shrugged. “It’s the data disk with the fighter prototypes.”

Padmé shot up from her seat and grabbed the disk out of her hands. “You found it! Did you analyze it?”

“Yep, and it’s totally legitimate.” Padmé could see the look of pride in her eyes. She gave Ahsoka a tight hug and joked. “How did I survive so long without you?”

Ahsoka pulled away from the embrace. “I have no idea.” She stated seriously before breaking out into a smile, “It appears that Flint wasn’t being dishonest; just nervous.”

Padmé couldn’t help but feel guilty, she wanted to help Flint, but she had no idea where to look and they had to stay far away from the over-reaching gaze of the Empire.

_Flint knew the risk; he was just one of the unlucky ones that got caught._

Ahsoka could sense her distraught. “Don’t do that. You have to look after yourself; it’s okay to be selfish once and while.” Padmé nodded her head. She knew what Ahsoka said was the truth, but she had an innate need to help people.

“Try to get some rest; it’ll take a couple days to get to Pantora.” Ahsoka said, she then headed towards the cockpit where she heard her speak to Rex in a low tone.

She stretched out along the shuttle seats and tried to relax. She felt the ship enter into hyperspace and closed her eyes.

_It was almost night time; she could see the sun setting against the skyscrapers and it made them look as though they were set ablaze. She was in her room as she rushed to get ready for a benefit gala for the victims of the ongoing war effort. She was standing in front of her closet as she tried to decide quickly what dress to wear when a hand covered her mouth and a strong arm wrapped around her waist. Padmé was still for a moment and then started to thrash before she recognized the black gloved hand across her mouth and the body pressed against her back._

_Anakin whispered. “Guess who?” into her ear as he gently pulled her head to the side and planted a kiss on her bare shoulder. He removed his hand from her mouth as he turned her around to face him._

_She smacked him on the arm and chastised “What the hell is the matter with you? You scared me.” His arm was still wrapped around her waist and she felt him press her closer against him. “This is the kind of welcome I get from my wife I haven’t seen in six months?”_

_He curled his other around her and lifted her up so that her toes only just brushed the carpet. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and apologized. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you back yet.” She looked out the window at the still setting sun. “You didn’t let anyone see you come in did you?”_

_He pressed a kiss to her lips before he answered. “No one saw me.” Before she could ask him another question he pressed another kiss to her closed mouth, he lightly teased the seam of her lips with his tongue asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Padmé opened her mouth as she wound her legs around his waist and pressed her center against his growing hardness. In the back of her mind she thought about how long it took to do her make-up and that this was causing it to get messed up._

_He walked the few steps to her bed before he fell backwards and bounced a little on the mattress. He untied the silk sash of her robe and he slipped it down over her shoulders to reveal her bare breasts. Her nipples hardened when they cool air of the room touched them._

_He was tracing the band of her underwear when she remembered that she had to leave in next ten minutes. “We have to stop.” She murmured into his mouth and she tried to pull away. His mouth followed hers and pressed a wet kiss to her cheek when she turned her head away. He playfully bucked against her and his voice was breathy when he said. “No we don’t.”_

_She pressed her palms down forcefully on his shoulders and pushed him away from her as she tried to stand. His hands held her hips in a vice-like grip that was sure to bruise in the morning. She pinched his flesh-and- bone hand in hopes that he would take the hint._

_“I have this benefit I have to go to, and I need to leave now if I want to make it on time.” She finally got him to let go and she stood between his legs while he leaned back on his elbows on the bed._

_His expression was sullen when he looked up at her from under his brow. “I don’t want you to go.” He whined._

_“Anakin I made these plans weeks ago, I can’t just drop everything-.”_

_“I would drop everything for you.” She hated it when he tried to guilt her into giving in, but she was actually looking forward to tonight and she didn’t want to skip it._

_She also didn’t want to fight with him after being separated for six months. “Anakin just try to give me a little warning next time.” She walked back to her closet not bothering pulling the robe back on and pulled a white evening gown off the hanger and stepped into it._

_She heard him release a deep sigh as he fell back onto the bed with his gloved hand thrown over his eyes his erection still visible underneath his black pants. He mumbled something under his breath that sounded like. “Then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”_

_She hated seeing him so dejected. “You can come with me if you want.” She offered._

_He scoffed. “The last thing I want to do is end this day standing in a room with a bunch of fucking politicians.”_

_She didn’t let that comment slide. “No, you would rather end this day fucking a politician.”_

_She saw him raise his head and glare at her. She turned her back to him in an attempt to hide her smile and said, “Come on, zip me up.” She heard him rise from the bed and pad softly over to her; she felt the back of his fingers trace lightly up her spine before he zipped up the dress. She walked over to the mirror to put in her earrings and re-apply her lipstick._

_She observed him through the mirror; his gaze was predatory, even with pink lipstick all over his face, “I’ll be home soon, don’t miss me too much while I’m gone.” She teased lightly trying to ease his mood. When he noticed she was watching him, his gaze lightened and he gave her a sly grin in the mirror._

_She would never get used to his mercurial moods, no matter how long they had been together, “I miss you already.” He pouted. Despite his childish antics and quick change in demeanor Padmé could tell he was still angry, she didn’t know if it was at her or something else._

_(She could never tell with him sometimes)_

_Padmé didn’t say anything. She just gave him a sweet smile and blew him a kiss. She walked out of her penthouse and out onto to the veranda where she admired the view of the gloaming. As she stepped into the speeder that waited for her she could feel him watching her leave, she didn’t look back at him;_ _Padmé continued to stare straight ahead at the last rays of sunlight on the horizon._

Padmé reopened her eyes; she wasn’t sure why she thought about that moment with Anakin. She remembered when she came home that night she was slightly tipsy, and had lost one earring in the parking garage as she walked out of the gala. She also remembered that Anakin undressed her slowly before he took her to bed; he licked at the juncture of her thighs and brought her to the brink of orgasm three times before edging away. He then smoothly eased her onto her side and wrapped his flesh-and-bone hand around her throat and tightened his grip. The action caused her to see black spots around her vision when she finally came.

Padmé pressed her legs tightly together to quell her growing arousal and reminded herself all of the terrible crimes he has committed in the name of peace.

_Anakin was murdered by Darth Vader; Darth Vader is not my husband._

_(Padmé wishes she could believe that)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. This is love, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sorry I took so long to get this out, I was just had a huge case of writers block. I'm still not pleased with the way this chapter came out, but hey what are you gonna do? I want to thank everyone who left kudos and wrote reviews it really means a lot to me. This story in un-beta'd so all the typos and errors are my own (i hope they aren't too distracting)

Disclaimer: I own none of this and I'm not making any money from it, I'm just doing it for fun.

 

_"This is love, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?"_

 

The refueling station Rex landed the _Lambda-class_ shuttle in was almost empty at this time of day. Being in space for so long had caused Padmé’s internal clock to become unreliable, she glanced at the large digital clock on the side of the faded blue building, with a flashing neon sign that read, _“Caf House and Fuel.”_

 It was almost dawn on Boz Pity; the nearest planet to the orbiting fuel station.  Padmé was not fond of the idea of landing anywhere in a stolen imperial ship, but Rex informed her that the ship would be running on fumes before they even reached the outer-rim. So, she wasn’t fond of the idea, but she was even less fond of drifting aimlessly through space. Padmé also couldn’t deny the chance for a hot meal; the last time she ate was six hours ago, and they were all getting snappish with each other.

The stench of fuel and exhaust covered this place like a dense fog, when she stepped off the ramp and onto the black tarmac it tickled her nose; she sneezed three times in rapid succession. This orbiting station was mostly frequented by spice freighters, smugglers, and pirates because of its reputation for being able to find prostitutes and various illegal substances. The proprietor of the station was a pimp and a hustler, and according to Ahsoka a Jedi informant during the war.

_“Are you sure it’s safe coming here if he knows you’re a Jedi?”  Padmé fretted. Her brows furrowed in concern, and she cracked her knuckles; a nervous habit she’d thought she had broken years ago._

_“I’ll stay with the ship while you and Rex fill her back up and get food.” Ahsoka explained easily, not bothering to turn from the control panel as she initiated the landing cycle._

Rex followed closely behind her; he tucked one of the smaller blasters they found on the ship into his well-worn jacket. She heard him cough when he reached the bottom and observed, “This place reeks worse than I remember.”

Because of the large amount of fumes that starships released, the orbiting platform needed large exhaust vents and an air filtration center to clear the air and make it breathable for most beings.

Rex handed her a twenty-five credit chip and told her, “Just get us something that’s cheap, it doesn’t matter what. Meet me back here in twenty minutes this isn’t a place you want to stay too long.” Rex warned her.

“I’ll comm you if there are any problems,” Padmé promised. She turned and began to walk towards the diner. The diner was located in the middle of the complex; a flashing sign on the door proclaimed it was open. The door opened automatically when she approached and a chime signaled she entered.

The diner smelled like greasy food and smoke, and Padmé could feel her boots stick to floor when she approached the waitress at the counter.

“May I have a menu?” She asked politely, she tried not to stare at the large jagged scar that ran across the Twi’lek’s face. The woman was wearing a dark purple uniform and a name tag that identified her as _‘Asra’_. The waitress reached under the counter and handed her a plastic menu. “Today’s special is crab bisque served with fresh baked bread.” The girl tonelessly informed her. Padmé looked at the yellowing walls and the booth with ripped upholstery repaired with tape, and couldn’t imagine anything here being fresh.

She shook her head, “No thank you.” She hoped her expression didn’t convey any of the disgust she felt. Padmé’s eyes quickly scanned the menu searching for something edible and cheap.

Before she could place her order with Asra a man’s voice bellowed from the kitchen. “Asra, the boss has a job for you!” Padmé saw the young woman’s jaw tighten and her eyes grow hard; she didn’t yell back, but merely walked through the swinging doors and disappeared into the kitchen.

A few seconds later an older human woman dressed in the same uniform walked through the swinging doors and approached Padmé. “What can I get for you darlin’?” The woman’s hair was too long for Padmé to able to make out her name, but she also had a scar that cut across her chin, though it had faded with age.

After Padmé placed her order she perched on a wobbly stool at the counter, and discreetly tried to brush crumbs off the counter before she laid her forearms on the sticky surface. The Imperial HoloVision news was on playing at a low volume; the popular reporter Ashii Nermani was giving the evening news report on Coruscant. The picture was all static and the audio kept cutting out so Padmé had to strain her ears to catch what the human woman was reporting.

“The suspected rebel was extradited to his home planet of- Imperial reports have confirmed that there were three more rebels that escaped custody- a former clone trooper, a Torgruta female, and a Human woman were last seen fleeing- any information please contact-.” The picture finally cut out and was replaced by an out of range message accompanied by an annoying buzzing sound.

 Padmé felt the blood drain from her face; she was suddenly freezing, she pulled her thin long sleeved shirt sleeves over her knuckles. She knew in herl mind that no one knew she was here, and Rex had removed the tracking system from the ship, but she felt as though a hundred eyes were watching her through the front window. She quickly turned around to look out the window to make sure she was alone, she felt foolish for doing it but she also felt safer after she had done it.

She jumped when the kitchen door suddenly swung open and the woman who took her order walked out holding a clear plastic bag and a drink carrier.

“Here ya go honey.” The older woman smiled, “I put a cookie in there from the boss.” She informed Padmé.

Confused Padmé shook her head, “I didn’t see-,”

The woman cut her off, “No, but he saw you.” She pointed to the corner where a small recording device sat.

Padmé felt herself tense; know she understood why she felt as though she was being watched. Padmé recalled what Ahsoka said about this man, he was a pimp, and she remembered how Asra stiffened when she was called back to do a “job” for him.

She tried not to show how unsettled she was, she gave the woman a tight lipped smile and said, “Tell him I said thank you.” She swiftly turned around and hastily walked out of the diner and tried not to make it look like she was running.

The brief walk from the restaurant to the ship was silent except for her light steps across the asphalt, she was the only one out there, but she still felt like she was being observed. She would have felt safer will her blaster and vowed never to go anywhere without it again, she didn’t bother with the pretense of not being frightened, and ran up the still deployed ramp while she tried not spill the drinks.

Her heart was beating fast in her chest and she was slightly shaking from exerting so much energy with so little in her stomach. Ahsoka must have been alarmed when she heard her hurried footsteps on the gangplank; she exited the cockpit to investigate.

“Is everything alright?” She questioned Padmé when she saw her leaning against a wall as she tried to catch her breath.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Padmé reassured her, breathing heavily, “Let’s just get out of here.” She urged.

Ahsoka could probably sense her panic in the force-she didn’t really understand how it worked-but she was thankful she didn’t ask any questions; just returned to the cockpit and readied the ship for takeoff.

After she sat down on the surprisingly comfortable seat she tried to calm down and began to feel silly. She had much bigger threats to worry about than a creepy fueling station owner; she was a wanted criminal though she wasn’t sure how much of her identity had been revealed on the evening news report.

When Padmé’s hands no longer shook she traveled up to the cockpit to give Ahsoka and Rex their food. While they ate together Padmé explained what she saw on the Imperial HoloVision news, “They have our descriptions, and they know we stole an Imperial shuttle.”

“It should only take us seven more hours to get to Pantora-,”

Padmé cut Ahsoka off, “You’re not still serious about going to Pantora in this thing are you?” She inquired incredulously, her eyebrows raised. “You might have taken the tracking system out, but you can’t erase the ship’s serial number. We’ll be detained before we even reach the planet’s surface.”

Ahsoka hesitated only a moment before speaking, “I’ve slipped past tighter planetary security than this during the war, this should be no problem.”

Padmé couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she turned to Rex in hope that maybe he had common sense where Ahsoka lacked.

“The Senator is right Ahsoka, it’s too risky.”

“Rex-!” Ahsoka started before being interrupted by him again. He spoke in a soft tone as he tried to get her to see reason.

“We do not doubt your abilities; we just need a plan with the least amount of negative outcomes as possible.” Rex gave her a small smile and placed his hand on her knee.

Ahsoka nodded her head in assent and took a sip of her Jawa Juice; she absently stared at a spot above where Padmé sat. The cockpit was silent except for the sounds of people eating silently and the crinkle of the brown paper the sandwiches were wrapped in.

“There is a small moon just on the edge of the mid-rim where we can sell this and buy a new ship.” Ahsoka said. “I’ve been there before; the woman who runs it is discreet and has no love for the Empire. It’s an hour out of our way, but the time wasted is worth it, agreed?”

Rex and Padmé nodded their heads wordlessly; an uncomfortable silence filled the cabin, Padmé shifted in her seat and tried to think of something to say. She was always on friendly terms with Ahsoka, but their conversations never strayed far from Ahsoka’s Jedi training or Padmé’s work in the Senate. Now Ahsoka wasn’t a Padawan learner and Padmé wasn’t a Senator; they didn’t have anything in common anymore.

“We’ll be coming out of hyperspace in two hours to switch lanes,” Rex informed them; before he could continue he tried to cover a large yawn with the back of his hand. Looking back down at the navigation computer he asked Ahsoka, “What are the coordinates for the moon? I can never remember.”

Ahsoka noticed how exhausted Rex looked and waved him away from the computer. “Rex, let me worry about that; you need to get some rest.” Rex looked as though he was about to protest but then decided it wasn’t worth it. As Rex stood he brushed the crumbs off his lap and said a brief, “Goodnight.” Over his shoulder as he stepped out of the cockpit.

Padmé sat down in the chair he had just vacated; she curled her knees under her body and propped her head up on her fist, and stared blankly ahead at the whirling lights of hyperspace. Ahsoka startled her when she reached over and began to program the coordinates into the navigation system. Padmé could tell that she was just as exhausted as Rex was; her normally vibrant skin was washed out and dark circles were visible under her tired eyes.

“You should get some rest as well, Ahsoka.” Padmé encouraged.

Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders and rubbed her eyes with the base of her palms, “I’m fine; I took a little nap earlier.”

Padmé gave her a disapproving look, “Ahsoka, go get some rest you look exhausted. I can watch over everything while you guys sleep,” She saw Ahsoka get ready to voice some type of worry, she interjected, “And I promise if anything bad happens I will wake you.”

Padmé moved to get ready to push Ahsoka out of the cabin, “Okay you win,” She conceded raising her hands in surrender. Padmé’s stern look melted into a smile and shooed her out of the pilot’s seat. “Sweet dreams.” She called to Ahsoka’s back, who merely mumbled something under breath.

The cabin was then filled with the still silence only felt when in space. Padmé looked out of the front viewport and sighed. She finished the last bites of her sandwich leisurely and paced her sips of water so it would last her the rest of the trip. Padmé slipped off her boots and rolled off her socks in an attempt to get more comfortable in the hard, straight backed chairs. She stretched out her toes and winched when she noticed an ugly blister had formed on the back of her heel from where the tattered boots had chafed her. She sighed quietly again and admitted to herself that she was bored. When she took long trips like this with no one to talk to she would have her datapad to distract her, now along with all of her other belongings, it was destroyed when the _“Red Lady”_ was shot out of the sky on Dxun.

She gazed around the cockpit in hopes that she would find something that could occupy her time. Her eyes landed on a paperback book tossed carelessly on the floor under the control panel. It must have belonged to one of the pilots Padmé surmised, she was thankful for the distraction until she read the title, “ _The Jedi Order Uncovered; A Guide to Understanding the Propaganda, Dogma, and Deceptions of the Jedi” Written by Doctor Lumus Rush & Professor Mena Tel._

Padmé let out a sigh of disgust has her eyes glanced over the summary, and then scoffed when she read the glowing reviews printed on the back of the book. She flipped through the book casually for a couple minutes before getting annoyed.

With nothing to distract her she stared straight ahead without thinking about anything. She wasn’t sure how long she was zoned out before she felt it; it was barely even a whisper of a touch that tickled the base of her neck. She turned around thinking Rex or Ahsoka woke up but was greeted with empty space when she looked. She felt it again a moment later, it was stronger this time; an icy caress that traced the inside of her skull.

Padmé was uneasy, she had a bad feeling about what was about to happen, and then for not even a second she felt the distinct sensation of her body being invaded. Recognition dawned on her and panic bloomed inside her chest; she had felt this sensation before, when she still lived on Coruscant.

She wasn’t sure if Anakin had done it on purpose, but there were times when she could feel him inside her; her vision would blur and she felt like she was being pushed out of her own body. He never mentioned it to her, and she never brought it up with him, she didn’t want to embarrass him if it was on accident.

_Anakin was always so sensitive._

Now she was sensing it again, it was much more forceful this time, and distinctly more malevolent than what she remembers feeling when it was Anakin. She purposefully erected all her mental barriers the way Obi-Wan had taught her to do. Whatever mental connection she had with Anakin had faded over the past ten years, but now she could feel it knitting itself back together again.

She screwed her eyes shut and began to take deep breaths; clearing her mind of any information that might lead him to her, or any knowledge of the twins existence.

After a couple minutes she felt as though she was alone again and opened her eyes. The gravity of the situation was not lost on her, Vader knew she was alive and there was nothing she could do about it while she was trapped on this ship for the next two hours.

 

The Imperial Shuttle landed in the middle of a junkyard on a small moon that orbited Malastare. The ominous gray clouds did nothing to help ease Padmé’s sense of growing doom. They walked towards a small wooden house in the middle of the property; it had a faded green manual door, and a small dirty glass window.

Rex knocked loudly on the door while Ahsoka and Padmé stood behind him with their hoods concealing their faces. A woman’s voice boomed through the door, “It’s open.” Rex looked over his shoulder to Ahsoka, who nodded her head. He twisted the small brass knob of the door and pushed it open.

Padmé was immediately hit with a wave of hot air and the smell of baking bread when she entered the small house. A large woman was seated behind a desk that faced the door; with a small blue that animal dozed peacefully at her feet.

The woman studied them over the rim of her glasses with a contemplative look on her face before breaking out into a broad grin.

“Come in! Come in! Get out of the cold, and have a seat.” She ushered, pointing to a large red couch in the middle of the room. She stood up from her chair easily and walked from around the desk to stand in front of Rex.

“I have seen you around these parts in a while.” She said, with a gap toothed smile. The woman was about the same height as Rex, and effortlessly reached over to give him a quick embrace.

“Not much of a reason to in these days.” Rex offered “Helena, you know Ahsoka, and here is our friend, Padmé.”

Padmé lowered the hood of the too big jacket she had borrowed from Rex and stepped forward to introduce herself, she offered her hand and said, “So nice to meet you Helena.”

Helena gripped her smaller hand in between her two larger warm hands and gave a quick shake, “Likewise, now I have a feeling that this isn’t a purely social visit.” She released her hand and moved towards a plush dark brown chair.

They followed her to the sitting area and sat across from her on the crimson colored couch. The woman pulled out a pack of cigarra’s from in between the chair cushion and lit it.

“We have an Imperial _Lambda-_ class shuttle we need to get rid of, and fast.” Ahsoka explained, “Can you help us?”

The woman took a deep drag before blowing the smoke out of her mouth; the woman wore a pensive look on her face, and sucked her teeth before she answered Ahsoka. “Sure, why not? I can strip it down and sell it for spare parts. I’m assuming that’s what you flew in?”

“Yeah, that’s the other thing; we need another ship. Do you have one?” Ahsoka questioned.

Helena chuckled, “This whole damn moon is filled with ships. The question is whether or not they can stay in the sky long enough to get you wherever you’re goin’.”

“Can they?” Padmé asked.

Helena laid her still burning cigarra in the glass ash tray on the table next to the chair, and gave her a serious look. “If I worked on them, you can bet your ass they will.”

Helena leaned back in her chair and whistled at the animal still sleeping at the desk. Its ears perked up and lifted its head, “Go fetch Rip for me will ya.” She commanded. The six legged blue creature obediently got up and bounded out of the small door built into the larger one.

While they waited for the creature to come back with whomever this Rip person was Ahsoka and Helena started up a conversation.

“How are you doing Ahsoka, I haven’t seen you since you came here with that handsome Jedi master of yours.”

“Master Anakin, you mean.” Ahsoka guessed, shifting her gaze over to Padmé for a second.

Helena let out a burst of laughter, “No, he was much to pretty for my taste, the other one, with the beard.” She supplied, her hands petting an invisible beard on her chin, still chuckling.

Padmé let out a quiet snort of laughter as Ahsoka answered her, “Oh, you mean Master Kenobi.”

“Yes, that’s the one! How is he doing?”

“He’s alive.” Ahsoka answered cryptically.

The woman’s mouth downturned for a split second and there was a beat of silence before she said, “Well, that’s good. Can I just say it was terrible what happened to the Jedi. No one deserves that.”

Before Ahsoka could respond the door swung open and the blue creature ran in followed by a young pretty girl. She was the same height as Helena with the same dark complexion.

“Ahsoka and Rex, you remember my daughter Ripley.” Helena introduced while standing up from the chair. Ripley gave them a small wave, and then turned to her mother. “What do you want?”

Helena was back at her desk and was looking at a datapad, “I need you to do inventory on the ship they just brought and see if it has any parts we don’t have or need.” Helena instructed her daughter, the girl wordlessly agreed and tied her long black hair in a knot on top of her head before leaving. “Rex, go with her.” Ahsoka directed quietly. Rex obeyed and jogged out of the room to catch up with Ripley.

When Padmé gave her a quizzical look, Ahsoka quietly spoke out of the corner of her mouth, “Just making sure we get a fair trade.”

Realization dawned on Padmé, and she knowingly nodded her head. It was quiet in the house save for the sound of the ticking of the timer on the counter and the light patter of rain hitting the window.

The timer suddenly dinged, and everyone’s heads turned towards the oven. Helena placed the datapad on her desk, and strode towards the small kitchen area. “I made some sweet bread, do you girls want any?”

They both realized it may be a while before they would have an opportunity to eat again and leapt at the chance, in unison they answered, “Yes!”

Not fazed by their enthusiasm, she waved them over and told them to help themselves.

Padmé drizzled some sweet honey on the warm fluffy bread with a tiny silver spoon before taking a delicate bite, she moaned when she tasted it, and praised Helena around a mouthful of bread, “This is delicious.”

Helena smiled, “Thanks, my momma taught me how to make it, all of you looked miserable when you walked in here. What have you gotten yourself into?” She asked, seriously. “I need to know if you being here is going to cause any trouble for me down the line.”

Ahsoka swallowed quickly, and brushed a few crumbs from her mouth, “Telling you would put you and Ripley in trouble, just let us buy a ship and leave. I promise no harm will come to your family.”

Helena gave both of them a wary look with a raised brow, “Alright, I’m deciding to trust you. All of you.” She then turned her sharp gaze towards Padmé, and watched her. Padmé steadily met her gaze; she had stared down politicians and Sith lords _(and sometimes one in the same)_ , soon the hunger pangs became too strong to ignore and she looked down to grab another slice of bread.

 

Padmé sloshed through the mud on the journey to their newly acquired starship. The light rain was now a ferocious downpour, and heavy hard drops would sting the skin if left uncovered. Unable to see ahead of her, she followed the muddy boots of Rex who hiked in front of her.

 Padmé was still unnerved by the way the woman watched her all day, it only took an hour for Rip to estimate how much the ship would be worth, and an equal and fair trade. Padmé was certain the woman recognized her; Ahsoka said the woman could be trusted, but Padmé had no doubt the woman would sell them up the river if Imperial agents came here looking for them, especially if they threatened her daughter.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t notice when Rex skirted around a small puddle. Her right foot got stuck in the hole and she lost her balance. Her hands flew up to stop herself from face planting in the mud; her palms met sharp pieces of gravel and mud squelched between her fingers, and under her fingernails. He knees slammed into the slippery ground and forced them to slide further apart. She lifted her head up to call out for them to wait when she felt it again; the sensation of cold fingers caressing along the inside of her skull. She screwed her eyes shut tight, and begged.

_Please, not right now._

_“Padmé…”_

Her own name spoken by someone else in her head startled her, and her eyes flew open in shock.

“Padmé!” she heard a voice shout, and then a pair of worn muddy boots entered her field of vision. “Stop playing around in the mud; we have to go.” She looked up at Ahsoka, and saw the teasing grin on her face. She reached out to the outstretched hand Ahsoka offered her, and carefully pulled herself out of the mud.

She thanked Ahsoka, and allowed her to lead her by the hand towards the ship, but her thoughts were still on what had just happened. She wasn’t sure if she should tell them what happened, she didn’t think they could do anything and it was just cause them to worry. On the other hand it was a problem that threatened them too, if Vader caught up to her she doubted he would do anything that would cause her to be permanently damaged _(at least I hope not)_ , but Ahsoka and Rex had no such assurance.

Padmé gripped Ahsoka’s hand harder when she thought of Vader, why did she think he wouldn’t harm her? He has done it before when he was angry with her; only moments after embracing her and telling her everything he had done was for _her._ Now after seven years of obeying his masters cruel bidding, he would probably have no problem snapping her neck if he was commanded. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat that formed when she thought about how dark her life turned out to be.

The ship was named “ _The Sun King”_ and was a newer model that thankfully included running water, and a private comm line. Padmé sat at the table in the back of the ship and removed her dirty boots and damp socks. She was filthy; dirt was caked under her nails, and had gotten into the cracks of the split skin on her knuckles. Her pants were beyond hope; they were ripped, dirty, and smelled like rain water and oil. She shrugged out of the waterlogged jacket and wrung it out before she laid it along the back of the bench in an attempt to let it dry.

She felt the ship begin it’s ascent of this dreary moon, and back into space. Padmé was preparing to take a shower when she panic seized her. She couldn’t remember if she brought the datadisk with her or if she left it on the shuttle. She frantically ripped the jacket off the bench and began searching through the deep and apparently numerous pockets. She was about to call out to Ahsoka and tell her to turn the ship around when she felt the hard plastic case of the disk. Relief washed over her and she left out a huge sigh.

She was clutching the disk to her chest when Ahsoka walked out of the cockpit to find her. “Everything okay back here? It felt like you were about to die.”

Padmé didn’t question how she would know what a person dying felt like and instead told her, “I thought I forgot this.” She held up the disk in the air before placing it on the table.

“Yes, that would have been terrible.” She said dryly. Padmé gave her a questioning look at her tone, and before she could ask what she meant by that, Ahsoka dismissively waved her hand, and spoke. “Ignore that I said that, I need to try to get in contact with Riyo before we make the jump to hyperspace.”

Padmé took that to mean she wanted to sit at the table while she did that, “Okay, I was just about to take a shower anyway.”

Ahsoka nodded her head, “Don’t use all the hot water, I want in next.”

“I’ll try not to.” Padmé grinned.

She padded softly on the cold floor across the small hallway into the ‘fresher. The room was bigger than Padmé imagined, but still not what anyone would call luxurious. She reached in and turned the hot water faucet all the way to the left to let the room steam up.

She disrobed quickly, kicking the dirty clothes into a corner, and untying her hair from the tight pony tail on top of her head. The water was scalding when it touched her skin; she turned it down a little bit, and turned the cold water faucet on. When she adjusted the water temperature just right she placed her head under the shower head.

_I should have used the comm to try to get in contact with Bail, and tell him what has happened. I forgot all about him and Flint and Pryia, what is happening to me?_

Padmé was never this forgetful, particularly when it came to something as important to this. Maybe she still had some short term memory loss; she couldn’t remember how long the doctor said it was supposed to last.

_Maybe I’m just getting old._

Age was such a silly thing to be afraid of; everyone does it, even if it takes longer for some species. And in her life right now she had much bigger things to fear than aging.

There wasn’t any soap, just a threadbare wash cloth hung on the silver railing in the shower. She started to scrub furiously at her skin; she pressed down so hard it started to become red. She was almost done when she felt it again; she was starting to become less afraid when it happened and more exasperated.

This time though, it wasn’t a simple touch skimming her skull, but the feeling that someone was right behind her. In her rational mind she knew there was no one in the shower with her; she was still too nervous to look back and check. There was light sensation of a finger running along her naked spine; Padmé shivered.

_“Tell me where you are.”_

The voice that spoke was the one that belonged to Anakin Skywalker, not the low intimidating tone of Darth Vader. Padmé was shocked into silence, and she didn’t answer until the voice commanded again.

_“Tell me where you are.”_

_“No.”_

Anger rose inside her and brought a flush to her cheeks. She tried to block him out again, but he forced himself through her walls. The voice was lowered into a growl when it spoke again.

_“Tell me.”_

_“No, leave me alone.”_

Padmé began to shake she was so angry, she knew she wasn’t the one who was enraged and she tried to calm herself down and banish him from her mind.

_“Tell me!”_

_“No!”_

He was finally so incensed that his grip on her mind loosened enough for her to push him out and bring up her mental barriers. Her breathing was heavy, and even though she was in the shower she could feel her body begin to sweat. She stood under the nozzle once more to clean up, and then hastily turned off the water and sprung out of the shower stall.  She grabbed the sink in an effort to regain her balance when she slipped on a tiny puddle of water.

Padmé stood in the middle of the ‘fresher naked and frightened, and tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to break free from her chest.

 

After she found a towel in the closet adjacent to the ‘fresher and put on the clean clothes Helena offered them she felt more calm and collected after the incident in the shower. The clothes belonged to Ripley; they were a little too big for Padmé, but she was just thankful for dry clothes. Padmé’s hair was still wrapped up in a towel when she walked over to the table in hopes of being able to talk with Ahsoka. She looked over just in time to see Ahsoka pull away from giving Rex a kiss. Neither of them looked embarrassed; Padmé doubted the flush on Rex’s cheeks was from shame.

“Ahsoka, Can I talk to you about something?” Padmé asked quietly.

“Yeah sure, what do you need?” Ahsoka said lightly, not intending to move away from Rex. Padmé didn’t know if she could talk about this with Rex around, it seemed very personal for reasons Padmé couldn’t explain. Thankfully, Rex noticed her wide eyed expression, and took pity on her.

“I’ll let you two have your girl talk, I’ll be up front.” He said, sliding out of the bench. She watched Ahsoka watch Rex stride towards the cockpit, before she turned to face Padmé.

“What did you want to talk about?” Ahsoka asked, turning her vibrant blue eyes on Padmé. It took Padmé a few seconds to find the right words, and stumbled over them when she spoke.

“I…I think Vader knows I’m alive.” She finally stuttered out, it didn’t make her feel better to get the words out, saying them out loud only caused her fear to solidify.

Ahsoka straightened up. “How do you know that? I checked the security recordings on Dxun; they don’t even record. What happened in that interrogation room, Padmé?” Ahsoka gripped the table, and leaned forward as she questioned Padmé rapidly.

“Well…that one officer-Kazak, he did a DNA scan on me and knew who I was, but I shot him…” Padmé trailed off, “Ugh, I’ve been so sloppy, anyone with half a brain could follow the trail back to me.” She shoved her head in hands, and berated herself.

“Hey, I can feel something else is wrong, what is it?” Ahsoka asked, and began to rub soothing circles on Padmé’s back.

Her head was still covered by her hands so her words came out muffled, “He speaks to me…in my thoughts. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m not lying.” She raised her head to look at Ahsoka, and was the verge on tears when she begged, “Please, I can’t…the twins…he can’t know about them. I don’t care what happens to me, but I can’t let him near them.” She covered her eyes in a futile attempt to hide her tears.

Ahsoka gathered her up in her arms and rocked her while she cried silently; she whispered in her ear, “I do believe you. Anakin was very strong in the Force, and you two had a very close connection it’s not so far-fetched that something like this could happen.” Ahsoka paused for a moment, and cleared her throat, “And Padmé, you might not care what happens to you, but I do, and so does Rex, and I’m going to make sure you live long enough to see your children again, I promise.”

Her words had calmed Padmé; she raised her head from Ahsoka’s chest and wiped her eyes with back of her hand. Unwilling to address the scene that just happened, Padmé charged forward with another question, “What should I do?” she hated how small her voice sounded.

“I’ll think of something, you should go to sleep.” Ahsoka advised.

Padmé was too drained to even put up half a fight, she let Ahsoka drag her to the single bed and tuck her in.  Ahsoka sat on the edge of the bed, and looked down at Padmé with a reassuring smile, “You’ll feel better in the morning, I promise.” Ahsoka leaned down to press a light kiss to her forehead.

“You don’t have to coddle me, Ahsoka. I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.” She hated how petulant she sounded, but she hated being treated as some delicate flower even more.

Ahsoka got off the bed and went to the door to flick off the lights, “I know you are, but letting someone take care of you isn’t a weakness.” Ahsoka turned off the lights and walked out of the room, the automatic door sliding shut behind her.

Padmé curled onto her side and thought about Ahsoka’s words; it took her a long time to fall asleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Latibule

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Lucasfilm and Disney I am only doing this for fun.

_Latibule (n.) a hiding place; a place of safety and comfort_

 

_The private water gardens located within the confines of the Theed Palace were one of Padmé’s favorite places to be alone. When she was a young Queen she often hid here to find a few minutes of solitude from her crowded royal retinue for a few brief moments; before her duty as Queen forced her to leave its tranquil isolation._

_The water gardens were filled with lush greenery, brimming with verdant life. The sweet fragrance of flowers flitted through the air, and calmed Padmé’s frazzled nerves with their delicate scent. The most impressive feature of the garden was the large marble pools of water; the fountains provided the faint dulcet tone of running water. Padmé was seated on a hard backed alabaster bench in front of a small pool of water near the neatly trimmed hedges that lead towards a small maze; the center of the pool featured a marble statue of the goddess Dema, the goddess of victory._

_Padmé wasn’t a girl Queen anymore, but the multitude of people shoved into the great ball room of the palace caused Padmé to become claustrophobic, and the heat brought a flush to her cheeks. She slipped away from Typho, who normally watched her like a hawk; to the same corner of the gardens she could find peace in when she was a girl._

_The cool air felt wonderful on her flushed skin; she tore her eyes away from the brightly lit fountain to the night sky. She kicked off her shoes and buried her toes in the wet grass. She let out a small sigh of relief at finally being alone and took a sip of the sweet champagne out of a long-stemmed crystal glass._

_Anakin was somewhere in the party; Palpatine had requested him as his bodyguard for the night. Padmé thought it was a frivolous show of power; Jedi should be fighting to recover order to the galaxy, not playing babysitter at a Queen’s birthday party. She was instantly ashamed of her own thoughts, it wasn’t the Jedi’s burden alone to end the conflict; it should be the responsibility of the government that allowed this kind of fracture to happen to restore peace throughout the galaxy. Besides,_ _Padmé_ _thought,_ _she should be happy to see her husband, it had been two months since she had seen him last, and she missed him so much. At least sometimes she missed him, other times she was grateful for the space between them, the freedom to do what she wanted without him pitching a fit whenever she wanted to go for drinks with some of her colleagues instead of staying in the apartment with him. That thought made her feel even worse, Anakin wasn’t away on a pleasure trip; he was fighting a war, when he came home could she blame him for wanting to spend time with her?_

_She let out another sigh; this time more troubled than relieved, and covered her eyes with the back of her hand. The light sound of footsteps through the grass caught her attention; she removed her hand from her face, and languidly let her head roll to the side to gaze at the intruder; not caring if a foreign dignitary saw her in such an unbecoming position._

_Padmé looked into the familiar face of her husband, and gave him a small smile. He had made noise on purpose, to get her attention; he knew she hated it when he snuck up on her. She rolled her eyes back up to the heavens, and tried to pick out the constellations her father had taught her before she had moved into the palace. She could see him out of her peripherals, hovering by the bench; watching her._

_She patted the hard stone, inviting him to sit next to her. He wordlessly sat down on the bench; keeping a respectable amount of distance between them in case anyone would happen upon them. But she knew the gardens better than he did, and knew that most people weren’t even aware this corner of the garden existed, so she held no fear of discovery when she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest._

_His arms quickly wrapped around her small frame, and pulled her closer. “What are you doing out here?” He questioned._

_“It was getting too stuffy in there, so I came out here to be alone.” She must have had more to drink than she thought, her eye lids were growing heavy, and she had to fight against the steady thump of his heartbeat that was lulling her to sleep._

_“To be alone,” he echoed. “Does that mean I should leave?” She knew he was teasing her because he made no move to get up from the bench._

_“No you can stay; I can be alone with you here.” She tried to tease him back, but her voice had an edge to sadness in it that she didn’t mean to let slip._

_Anakin was silent for a moment before jostling his shoulder, forcing her to lift her head up._

_“Hey, who is she-the girl in the fountain-what’s her deal?’ She was confused by his question, and unexpected interest in The Naboo Gods, but answered anyway._

_“Oh, that is Dema; the goddess of victory. She is said to have been born when the blood of the enemies of The Naboo mixed with her mother’s tears.”_

_“That doesn’t make any sense.”_

_“You asked, besides she’s a goddess, they don’t have to make sense.”_

_“Oh, well now all my suspicions have been confirmed.” He voice was light, and she was glad to see him like this; he had seemed so much more subdued after Ahsoka left._

_She raised her head off his chest to look up at his face in confusion, “What suspicions?”_

_He tilted his head down towards her, and said with a mock serious expression, “Well now I know you must be a goddess; you never make any sense to me.”_

_She let out a tiny burst of laughter, and pinched his side. She laughed harder when he jumped and let out a small grunt, “I call you a goddess, and this is the thanks I get? How cruel.”_

_She buried her head in his chest to muffle her laughter, “Shut up, Ani.” She was happy to see him in such high spirts that she didn’t bother asking him what he meant when he admitted, “She didn’t make sense to him.”_

_She would never admit it, but she loved the elaborate declarations of love, the blasphemous comparisons her made between her and saints, or angels and goddesses. With anyone else it would feel like a line to get her into to bed, but Anakin was always so sincere and without pretense; it made her heart beat faster to be loved in such a way._

_She hoped he knew how much she loved him, even though she could never reciprocate beyond the words of “I love you”, she hoped he understood that she had never felt this way about anyone._

_Padmé’s head was still on his chest when he tilted her chin upward, and he lowered his head towards hers. For a brief moment their lips hovered inches apart before he pressed a light kiss on her mouth. She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, and could feel his chapped lips against her softer ones; she could taste the blood where he bit his lip, and had torn the skin off._

_Padmé closed her eyes, but she could feel his steady gaze as he studied her. His right hand cradled the back of her neck while the other slowly slid up the length of her torso and stopped just below her breast. Her skin was hot again, and she could feel her heart as it pounded rapidly in her chest._

_She opened her eyes when they pulled apart both gasping for air; she caught his dark gaze, and a small thrill went through her. Anakin pulled her on top of him; her knees straddling him, and she ground her center against him. He released a ragged breath, and whined her name._

_She was about to reach down to unclasp his pants when the sound of loud laughter disrupted them. They broke apart hastily; Padmé smoothly attempted to disengage from his lap, but instead had her feet caught in the long hem of her dress and slipped on the silky train of the gown. She heard a loud rip, and landed hard on her ass on one of the marble stepping stones that decorated the garden._

_Anakin and Padmé stared at each other with equally shocked expressions before they burst out in laughter. They tried to stifle their giggles in their hands with no avail, until a sudden and closer than before bark of laughter forced them to shut up. Padmé rose a little unsteadily and quickly grabbed her shoes and Anakin’s hand before running into the nearby hedge maze._

_She led him through the maze, and didn’t care that she was becoming hopelessly lost. The grass tickled her feet as she sauntered through the labyrinth and the breeze on the back of her thighs where her dressed had torn cooled her fevered skin, and held her lust at bay momentarily. Anakin walked behind her, easily keeping up with her footsteps, and refusing to relinquish her hand. When she led them to a dead end she turned to face him, she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and stood on the toes of his boots._

_“I think I’m drunk.” She whispered into his ear, and then let out a faint giggle._

_He removed the glittering headpiece and tossed it on the ground before he threaded his fingers through her thick hair. He pulled her head back and forced her to look at his face. Sometimes Anakin is too much like the sun and she cannot stare directly at him without the fear of going blind. She moved her eyes to gaze at a point behind him._

_“I think I am too.” He admitted before lifting her up and slowly kneeling down on the soft ground. He placed her gently on the cool grass and sat on his knees between her bent legs. His hands slowly grazed up her legs, and sent shivers of anticipation through her. His hands gripped her waist tightly, and the fabric of her dress pooled around her hips; exposing her lacy underwear._

_Padmé felt weightless; as if her bones had slipped from her body, and she was nothing but a bundle of nerves. Her arms were stretched lazily over her head, and she watched the starry night sky as Anakin skimmed her underwear down her thighs. His hands trailed back up her legs and found her center, she was already wet and his middle finger slipped in her easily, she bit the back of her hand as she tried to contain the noises she made when he added another finger, and began to pump them slowly in and out of her. His thumb briefly grazed her sensitive clit, and she couldn’t hold back the breathy moan that ripped through her. He smirked at her reaction but pointedly avoided any more contact with her sensitive bud no matter how much she pleaded._

_She grew impatient at the slow pace he was taking, and suddenly rose to a sitting position and pushed him to the ground. His expression was stunned, but behind the surprise was an undercurrent of satisfaction._

_Padmé stared down at her husband; drinking in his features with her eyes, he looked tired, and his cheekbones jutted out sharply beneath his skin. Gone was the little boy from Tatooine she had comforted on their way to Coruscant, even the young man that courted her in Varykino was vanishing. But he was still her Anakin, he still had the faint dusting of freckles across his nose, and his eyes were the same striking shade of blue._

_Despite her scrutiny Anakin didn’t look uncomfortable at all; in fact he seemed to be preening under her attention, like a big carnivorous cat. She shouldn’t have been surprised, Anakin loved attention, and he particularly loved it when she gave him all of hers. After she had her fill, Padmé reached to unclip his lightsaber holster from around his waist and was careful not to fling it into the hedges. Next she forced him to sit up so she could remove his leather jerkin and black tunic over his head. She felt the warmth of his chest bleed through the thin fabric of her dress, and felt chills run down the length of her arms and her back._

_Anakin reached up to slide the thin jeweled strap down her shoulder and exposed her right breast to the chilly night air. She gasped when he brushed his thumb over her nipple, and then again when he bucked up against her center. The light of the moon shone down on them and illuminated his features; giving his eyes an eerie glow._

_“You’re so beautiful.” He spoke reverently, though his breathing was coming out in pants._

_“So are you.” She flirted, and brushed his hair from his eyes; it was getting longer. Under the moonlight she could see a blush rise to his cheeks, and he averted his eyes before moving them back to her face. Padmé knew that he knew how handsome he looked, but she rarely told him how stunning she actually thought he was in an attempt to keep his ego from growing too big. It didn’t work very well; his ego still grew, but it gave her the chance to relish his reactions when she finally told him._

_She grasped the other delicate strap of her dress and let it slip down her shoulder, and let the rest of the silky cloth gather at her waist. She pressed another kiss to his mouth and drew his lower lip between her teeth. Padmé lowered her hands to his waist and deftly unbuttoned his pants. She tried to help him shimmy out of them but their actions were halted by his boots. He quickly, and with the help of the Force, kicked off his boots followed swiftly by his pants. Anakin fell back on the ground and watched her hungrily. She braced her knees on either side of him and felt them dig into the dirt. Padmé hovered over him for a moment, a sliver of doubt wormed inside her alcohol-muddled thoughts; this was foolish what they were doing now, if anyone caught them there would be no way for them to explain themselves.  Padmé knew that the Jedi didn’t have to remain celibate, but there would still be a scandal if they were discovered. As soon has that thought came it was gone when Anakin growled her name low in his throat._

_She lowered herself onto him with a gasp and sighed when he was completely inside her. She gave herself time to adjust before she began to move, she kept a slow, easy rhythm and felt her eyes slide shut._

_“Padmé…?_

_She heard someone speak her name, but it wasn’t Anakin. The voice sounded familiar but she couldn’t quite place it._

_“Padmé, wake up.” The voice was coming closer, but Padmé ignored it wanting to stay here with Anakin._

“Padmé!” The shrill voice of Ahsoka near her ear startled Padmé awake and she jumped up so fast she banged her head on the low ceiling of the bunk she slept in.

“Oh Force, Padmé I’m so sorry.”

Padmé rubbed at her sore head and waved off Ahsoka’s apologies, “It’s okay, what did you need?” Padmé asked with gritted teeth.

Padmé’s vision swam as she peered up at Ahsoka, “Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” She replied sheepishly.

Padmé was annoyed for a moment at being awoken from her pleasant dream, but her aggravation melted into appreciation of Ahsoka; she was grateful to have a friend like her, the past years were filled with solitude and only a brief night of companionship with a stranger.

Padmé gave her a wry smile, “Still alive; for now at least.” She joked, but some days she wondered how much time she had left. Padmé sometimes believed it was her destiny to die on that birthing table on Polis Massa.

_(And sometimes she wished she did)_

“Don’t say things like that, Padmé. I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Ahsoka vowed firmly.

 Padmé felt a pang in her chest; she remembered when Anakin made a similar promise to her once. She placed her hand on her throbbing head and squeezed her eyes shut tight as she waited for the pain to fade.

She felt Ahsoka carefully perch on the bed next to her and place a comforting hand on her back. They sat like that in silence; Padmé with her head in her hands, and Ahsoka next to her rubbing soothing circles onto her back. She released a deep breath and opened her eyes, “Sorry about that; I’m still kind of out of it from the concussion. And-you know-the other thing.”

It was almost unreal to her; after all this time and half a galaxy between them, he was still able to find her.

“Don’t worry about it. Speaking of the other thing, I thought meditation might help.”

Padmé couldn’t help but snort, “You Jedi’s and your meditation.”

“Hey! I’m serious. Whenever my mind feels all jumbled and I feel like I’m going crazy it really helps. Besides, I’m not a Jedi anymore.” Padmé watched as a slight frown graced Ahsoka’s face before she lowered her head to hide her expression.

_I guess some wounds never truly heal._

Padmé didn’t know how to comfort Ahsoka; she imagined she must have felt immense guilt over what had happened; she may have even felt responsible for not being able to help Anakin. Padmé wanted to tell her there wasn't anything she could have done, that Anakin made his own choices, but the words were stuck in her throat.

Padmé cleared her throat and offered, “Do you want to try mediating now? I know how to a little, and Obi-Wan taught me some mental exercises to block out…what did he call them?” She could hear his clipped accent in her head has he instructed her, but the words evaded her.

“Invading and probing minds.” Ahsoka finished for her with a smile.

Padmé sat up and snapped her fingers, “Yes! That’s what he called them.”

“Yeah we can start right now. We have about an hour until we finally reach Pantora. Jeez, this trip seems to have taken forever.”

Ahsoka rose from the bed and sat on the cold floor; she patted the spot across from her, “Sit right here.”

Padmé obeyed her request and gently eased herself down on the hard floor; the cold seeped through her pants and chilled her, chasing away any last vestiges of desire from her dream. She could still feel the trace of fingertips across her naked skin, and the sounds of a bubbling fountain in the distance.

It wasn’t a dream at all; it was a memory actually. One of the last happy memories she had of her husband. He left for the front lines that night, and she didn’t see him again until he returned to Coruscant with Palpatine and she was in the last trimester of her pregnancy.

“Just close your eyes and take deep breaths,” Ahsoka instructed in a soothing voice, “Feel all the tension run out of you, and clear your mind.”

Padmé began to feel a calm flow through her and wash away all the fear and anxiety from the past four days. She took another deep breath and began to formulate a plan of action. When they landed she would try to contact someone from the Alliance; the news report made no mention of anyone else from the Alliance, Padmé assumed she was the only one who was exposed. It would have to be Mon; Bail and Padmé swore to cut off contact if she was ever discovered to protect Leia. She needed to know without a doubt that it was Pryia who sold her out, and why.

Padmé felt more like herself again, she tried to construct the mental barriers in her head. She imagined she was building a wall in her head; brick by brick, and then imagined she was building another wall, and then another. She didn’t understand how this could help, but like most things that involved the Force she didn't think too much about it.

She was so focused that she didn’t notice that Ahsoka had left the room. She was only jolted back into reality when a blast hit the ship and knocked her over painfully onto her side. She quickly jumped into action and ran out of the room and barged into the cockpit.

“What’s going on?” She demanded forcefully. She took note of Rex and Ahsoka and observed that neither of them seemed particularly worried.

“Just a bit of friendly fire, Milady.” Rex informed her, “It was an accident; nothing to worry about.”

Padmé relaxed into the seat behind the co-pilot and inquired with a raised brow, “And why shouldn’t I be worried?” She looked between Rex and Ahsoka hoping for an explanation.

“Riyo still has some connections with planetary security so we can land without having to check in, but one of the rookies got nervous and his trigger finger slipped.” Ahsoka couldn’t keep a straight face when she finished her sentence and broke out into a fit of laughter followed by Rex.

Padmé ignored their chortling and looked out of the viewport to the planet Pantora. She had only been here before twice; once as a Queen and then as a Senator. The planet reminded her of Naboo a little, with the swamps and humidity in the summer, though Pantora lacked the vibrant flora that inhabited her home world. 

They were landing on the eastern hemisphere of the planet; far away from the capital and most major cities. Ahsoka informed her that Riyo was offering them asylum in a safe house buried deep within the marshlands. Riyo no longer held any political power, but she was still influential enough to have a considerable amount of sway over local authorities, Padmé also suspected she bribed Imperial officers for information.

Padmé knew she wasn’t an official member of the Alliance; she was too vocal against Palpatine in the fledgling years of the Empire, but Riyo would pass information along to rebel sources if she felt it was valuable enough. Padmé was honestly surprised she had managed to survive this long without Palpatine sending his thugs to finish their work and kill her.

Rex landed the ship on a plateau overlooking the flat marshes, the sky was gray and the clouds hung low, the sound of thunder rumbled in the distance. When they exited the ship a red speeder was waiting for them with a Pantoran man who leaned against it. He pushed off the speeder and walked over to greet them at a leisurely pace.  

“Welcome, I am Quan’tay Padraig. Our mutual friend sent me out here to fetch you.”

“Hello Quan’tay, I’m Ahsoka, and these are my companions Padmé and Rex. Thank you for taking the trouble to come out here and escort us.”

Quan’tay made a large sweeping gesture towards the land speeder and urged, “Shall we proceed then?”

***

The journey was quick through the muggy wetlands; Quan’tay flew so low over the water that when Padmé leaned over the side of the speeder she could gaze down at the wildlife that lived in its shallow depths. The thunder followed them all the way to the safe house that was hidden deep within a thick forest. The trees were narrow and loomed large enough to block out most of the remaining light. Lightning cracked loudly above their heads while Quan’tay hastily ushered them into the dark, damp house that reeked of mildew.

The shelter had no windows save for a panel on the door that could be slid open, the wooden floor was warped in certain places, and when Padmé peeked around the rooms she observed what she declared must be the smallest ‘fresher in the galaxy. But despite flaws in the interior design the building was safe, remote, and had a secure comm line so that Padmé could contact the Alliance in private.

“Riyo said that she’ll try to come as soon as she is able to slip away without her guards noticing.” Quan’tay explained. His voice was light and carried the Pantoran accent. Padmé observed he was very handsome with his blue shaded skin and angular features.

“I’m sure we can manage until then.” Ahsoka replied as she dug through the overhead cabinets.

Padmé walked over to stand in front of Quan’tay and reached out to shake his hand, “Thank you for taking your time to aide us, and for bringing us here. We are most obliged.”

He was young too, Padmé guessed, when he bashfully averted his eyes when she flashed him a grateful smile. “It’s no trouble, Milady. Riyo spoke very highly of you-of all of you.”

He suddenly released her hand and performed a swift bow, “If you will excuse me, I am needed elsewhere.”  

Padmé watched him with an appreciative gaze as he abruptly turned and strode out of the dank safe house.

“Check it out Rex, looks like Senator Amidala has a crush.” Ahsoka teased.

“I do not,” she protested, turning around to face them. “I was just being nice.”

Rex and Ahsoka shared a good natured laugh at her expense, but she didn’t mind. She ignored them as she walked towards the communication terminal where she could try to contact Mon.

“If you two could control yourselves while I make this call I would be most appreciative.” She used her “Senatorial Tone” as Anakin liked to call it, the one she used when she needed people to shut up and listen to her.

Ahsoka and Rex raised their hands in mock surrender, “Of course milady, anything for you.” Ahsoka joked, her expression was wily, and Padmé tried to keep a straight face but failed.

“Stop, this is serious. I need to know how they found me on Onderon.” Padmé said around giggles, until a wave of guilt engulfed her when she thought of what may be happening to Flint at this moment and her mood plummeted.

Ahsoka and Rex straightened up and their expressions immediately turned grave. The air frivolity surrounding them evaporated and was replaced by the serious nature of a soldier.

“You’re right, Padmé, this is serious.” Rex stated in a remorseful tone.

Padmé gave them a small smile as she wordlessly shook her head. She typed in the secure comm frequency, and watched as Ahsoka followed by Rex walked towards the bedroom.

“We’re going to go take a nap. Wake us up if you need us.” Ahsoka informed her with a hushed tone.

Padmé waved her off and focused her attention back to the terminal, after a few minutes a notice popped up and informed her that a connection couldn't be made and she should try again later.

Padmé released a frustrated sigh and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands until she saw stars behind her eyelids. She felt blind; not knowing what was happening was driving her insane, she had so many questions that needed answered as soon as possible. The calm she had acquired during her meditation was rapidly evaporating, and was being replaced with irritation. She removed her hands from her eyes and began to pace around the cramped area that served as the sitting room and kitchen.

Padmé soon felt something bite the back of her neck and reached around to kill the offending annoyance. She eyed the tiny green insect with curiosity before brushing it off her hands. She wiped her hands on the back of her pants before she walked over to the small kitchen area to find something to eat. The cupboards were mostly filled with non-perishable items such as canned fruits and vegetables, and dried out meat sealed in air tight bags.

_Not exactly what I would call a grand feast, but it will do._

Padmé reached for a can of fruit, not really caring what kind it was, and pulled the tab of the can off and began to eat. She couldn't find any utensils so she was forced to eat the syrupy, slippery fruit with her fingers, which proved more difficult than she would have previously guessed. After barely catching another piece of fruit that almost fell onto the dusty floor she heard a sound notifying her that someone was attempting to comm her. She rushed over to the terminal; can of fruit still in hand, and hurriedly pressed the button to accept the transmission. The willowy form of Mon Mothma bathed in blue light filled her vision, and Padmé couldn't remember ever being more excited to see her old friend.

“Thank the Force you are safe, Padmé! We have been so worried, we feared the worst.” Mon’s normally serene and collected disposition seemed to be frazzled, which worried Padmé.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to make contact with anyone these past few days. What’s going on?” The transmission began to become fuzzy, and Padmé had to lean in closer to understand what the woman was saying.

“You, along with that Jedi and clone are wanted for questioning; your capture is top priority over at high command. My contacts within the Imperial ranks have informed me that Vader has hired bounty hunters to search for you, and the price on your head is very steep. I’ll bet every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be searching for you.” Padmé felt the small last bubble of hope burst in her chest; she couldn’t deny it now, Darth Vader was on her trail, and Padmé knew once he had set his mind to something there was no stopping him.

Before Padmé could reply another crack of lightning struck the sky followed by more thunder. The rain was beating down mercilessly on the roof of the safe house, and Padmé feared the worsening storm would knock out the transmission. And just has that thought occurred to her, the small figure of Mon blurred before it blinked out of existence.

 Padmé felt like screaming; she internally cursed every god and goddess she knew in several different languages. Finally, after she cursed the Force she released a shuddering breath and leaned the back of her head on the wall behind her. She folded her hands and placed them on her stomach and slowly breathed in and out. The wall building exercise that was once comforting to her now only made her more aware of the situation she had found herself in. She wanted to believe that she could run from Vader forever, but she knew it wasn’t possible. And a small part of her treacherously thought,

_Do I even want to run anymore?_

The wall she built in her mind was no longer keeping others out, but instead to her it felt like it was closing in and trapping her. The galaxy that once seemed so vast was slowly becoming smaller and smaller.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. Decay with indecision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long for me to post, but I had a huge case of writer's block when it came to this story. Thankfully it seems I'm finally getting out of my funk. As always this story is un-beta's so all the typo's and grammatical errors are my own. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and left kudos, it means a lot. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm just writing this for fun.

 

“I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.” -Allen Ginsberg 

 

Padmé absently scratched the back of her neck as she listened to the heavy rains beat heavily against the old roof of the safe house on Pantora that she, along with Rex and Ahsoka, were currently lodged in. The storm had been raging for the better part of an hour, and Padmé was growing restless inside the small dank shelter. After the transmission with Mon had been disconnected she struggled to find something to occupy her time until the storm had passed, but she was finding the task difficult. The safe house was low on distractions that would make the passing of time easier; all Padmé found was a deck of cards, an old databook written in a language she didn’t understand, and a toy spaceship.

She toyed with the thought of cleaning and re-organizing the food pantry, but didn’t feel like exerting the necessary energy. Padmé felt herself growing drowsy, and she was having difficulty keeping her eyes open. Even when she was a girl thunder storms had always made her sleepy.  

Padméshuffled over to rest on the musty blue couch, and was welcomed by a large cloud of dust when she sat down heavily on the springy cushions. Padmé attempted to contain the loud wheezing sounds she made when the old dust flew into her nose and down the back of her throat. She wiped at the tears from her eyes, and once again wondered how she had found herself in this mess.

These past seven years she has tried not to think about the past; it was too painful to consider the possibilities in that tiny phrase _what if,_ but now it appeared her past was doing everything it could to find her and she couldn’t stop herself from ruminating on it.  The first months after _that day_ she would lie in bed and just try to wrap her head around what happened; the post-partum depression combined with the guilt made for unpleasant bed fellows, as she would lie awake at night she would cry over how naïve and blind she was, she couldn’t believe how skillfully she was manipulated by someone she had trusted. And Anakin, she mourned for her husband and the life they could have had; the life that was _stolen_ from them.

Padmé stopped her thoughts from wandering to Luke and Leia; if thinking about Anakin made her heart hurt, then thinking about her children made feel as though her breath was ripped from her lungs. Shaking the painful thoughts from her mind she curled up on her side, and tried to get comfortable on the lumpy sofa. She closed her heavy eyelids and let the sounds of the storm lull her into an uneasy slumber. Padmé could feel a pull in her stomach; it started in her gut until the uncomfortable tightening sensation was spread all through her limbs. Even in the haze of almost-sleep, she remembers this feeling; these-walking visions-were a rare occurrence in her life.

_The room was cold, so cold that Padmé could see her breath in front of her when she released a shivering exhale. The room was unfamiliar to her, and completely black save for outside light that streamed in through the half opened blinds. She brought her hands up to rub her bare shoulders for warmth; she padded softly on the plush carpet towards the window to try to get her bearings._ _She peered through the blinds and saw the unmistakable skyline of Coruscant; she could see the Imperial Place just a block over and further into the distance the once proud Jedi Temple standing lonely against the night sky._

_The swish of a door opening followed by the lights turning on forced Padmé’s heart in her throat, she quickly turned around to see who had entered the room. Her breath halted, and her eyes widened when she saw who had entered the now illuminated bedroom. The daunting figure of Darth Vader strode swiftly into the room followed by a medical droid; neither of them noticed her shivering in a thin nightgown by the window and walked past her through a doorway she hadn’t noticed until now._

_Padmé stood there awkwardly before deciding to follow them into the other room. She knew she was dreaming, she felt a control over her body and actions that was absent during regular dreams._

_The room looked like a mini medical bay; it was equipped with a stainless steel table and surgical droids which hung quiescent from the ceiling, there were vials filled with strange colored liquids all along the back wall, and menacing looking tools placed neatly on a white cloth near the table. Padmé felt a jolt in her stomach, she realized that this is where Anakin-where Vader-received his medical treatment. She didn’t want to be in here; the realities of her estranged husband’s injuries were something she didn’t want to think about in too much detail. Thankfully, it seemed Vader wasn’t here to have any serious medical procedures performed; he sat down stiffly on a bright white sterile chair that was in stark contrast to his black life support suit._

_The suit; which when Padmé would catch glances of it on the HoloNet was always gleaming, but was now covered in dust, and something that may or may not have been blood._

_“What can I do to assist you, Lord Vader?” The droid’s mechanical voice inquired tonelessly._

_The baritone voice merely replied, “I believe the sensors in my left foot have been damaged.”_

_The droid immediately went to work on Vader’s cybernetic appendage; the room was silent save for the hiss of Vader’s mechanical breathing. Padmé inched closer to the med droid, her feet made no noise on the cold white tiled floor as she snuck up behind the droid. She stood on her tip toes and peered over its shoulder to glimpse at the complex wiring of his robotic foot. The droid poked at the wires with some type of thin metal rod that would sometimes produce quiet zapping noises. Padmé couldn’t help remembering how ticklish Anakin’s feet were, she supposes now he wouldn’t even be able to feel the sensation of being tickled anymore._

_(Not that anyone would ever try.)_

_She bit back a laugh and let her gaze roam from his feet over his body and finally landed on his mask. She studied the black mask with intense focus, she realized if she looked hard enough she could faintly see his eyes beneath the dark lenses. Her heart grew heavy; Anakin was so handsome, and his eyes were such a beautiful shade of blue, she couldn’t help but lament that she would never see his unburnt face again._

_She glided away from the droid, and began to snoop through the cabinets and drawers filled with medical supplies; even though she and Anakin were separated, she was still filled with a morbid curiosity about his personal life. As she snooped she wondered if he had any friends, or at least some acquaintances, she even briefly speculated if he had a girlfriend. She couldn’t contain the burst of laughter that escaped her at the thought, and she quickly covered her mouth; afraid that they would somehow hear her, but the droid didn’t even pause its work. She noticed Vader’s helmet tilt in her direction for a moment, but turned back around to face the medical droid when it declared. “Completed; the sensors in your foot and ankle were dislocated from the wires that-,” Vader waved off the rest of the explanation._

_“Enough; have you repaired it?” He sat up awkwardly, and forcefully grabbed his boot from the droid and shoved it on his foot. He stood up and staggered for a moment while the sensors adjusted to his weight._

_“Yes, It is repaired.” The droid answered tonelessly._

_Vader nodded towards the droid, and when he finally found his balance he steadily made his way towards the door and out of the small medbay. Padmé stood still as she watched him march past her; he was so close that she felt his swirling black cape brush along her toes. He stopped abruptly in the doorway and turned his head to look in her direction, she watched his fingers clench and his head cocked to the side; as if hearing something no one else could detect. After a second of hesitation he resumed his stride_

_The chill of the room crept back into her bones; Padmé slowly made her way back towards the bed room with the sensation of dread creeping in on her. Vader was gone by the time she reached the room but she still heard his voice carry darkly through the door._

_“Find her. I don’t care how you do it just bring her back. And the Emperor must not know.”_

_Whoever he was speaking to answered with a brisk, “Yes, sir.”_

_Padmé tried to rush out the door to follow him, but she felt as if she was moving in slow motion, the door suddenly stretched out before her; growing further away any time she drew near. Her vision blurred, and she felt a sharp tug in her belly button, the ground started to give way and the sensation of falling startled Padmé awake._

She awoke with a gasp, her heart fluttered in her chest; she could still feel the chill of the room on her skin. She sat up slowly on the couch and wiped away the sleep in her eyes. She looked at the chrono hung crookedly on the water-stained wall and saw that only a half an hour has passed. Padmé sighed, she rubbed the back of her neck and stood up, and stretching her limbs from the cramped position she curled herself into.  The rain had seemed to subside, but thunder still rolled in the distance.

She padded over towards the comm terminal with hopes of reestablishing a connection with Mon. She typed in the familiar secure frequency and waited while the system struggled to connect. As she stood there she ruminated on her peculiar dream-if it was just a dream. When she was expecting the twins she would dream of things before they happened, but it was just a glass shattering or a seam ripping, nothing that would cause her to call them premonitions.  

She remembers though, one dream that did come true, it was a warning, one that she didn’t listen to.

She was only four months pregnant, her stomach was growing every day, and she worried that everyone would know her secret, no matter how loose the waistline of her dress was. She was dozing in her office on the small settee she used when entertaining colleagues, her feet propped up on the arm of the couch, and her palms rested on the swell of her belly.

She dreamt of Mustafar, of how the entire planet seemed covered in a red haze, the hot blistering winds that whipped across her face. She found herself on an outcropping of jagged black rocks, when she looked down below she could see two beams of blue light on the river of lava. She wanted to run down the steep hill and make them stop, but her body was too weak and cumbersome to do anything but watch helplessly. She opened her mouth to scream when the blade was raised to slash through flesh, but no sound escaped her lips. She woke up panting, with sweat beading along her brow. She still remembers the stench of sulfur lingering in the air of her office.

She tries not to blame herself; how could she have known?

Padmé was pulled out of her thoughts by the chime that indicated a connection had been made. The image of Mon was blurry, but she could still make out the words her friend spoke.

“Padmé, are you alright?” Mon asked, her tone full of worry.

“Yes, I’m fine. A huge storm is passing through and cut out communication.” She explained. “Do you know if anyone else has been exposed?” She asked, getting straight to the point.

“No, it appears that you are the only one that they are searching for. Whoever betrayed you has kept quiet about the rest of the Alliance.” Mon explained with an edge creeping into her voice.

Padmé sat down and rubbed her hand across her forehead. “I think it was Pryia Vonn who told the Imperials about me.” She confessed. “Her husband is an Admiral aboard the _“Malice”_ , there is a chance he discovered her affiliation with us, and she gave me up as a way to protect herself.”

Mon was silent, and Padmé could see the weary slump of her shoulders, even in the fuzzy lines of the transmission projection. “That makes sense; I hate to say it, but you are the safest and easiest member to give up if anyone who knew about you were threatened with interrogation.”

Padmé nodded her head, she hated hearing it, but it was the truth. She held no official rank within the Alliance, she had no permeant address, and to most of the galaxy she died seven years ago; she was a ghost. If the knowledge that she lived became public it would be a scandal, the media would be so focused on her that the fledgling Alliance would be able to remain in the shadows. Padmé knew one day it might come to this, so she ignored the sing of betrayal.

“I’m so sorry, Padmé.” Mon said, breaking the silence.

Padmé breathe deep. “It’s alright; I knew the risks, but it’s not me I’m worried about. It’s the….” She trailed off.

“Yes, I know.” Mon understood. She had a child of her own; a daughter named Lieda. “Take comfort in knowing that they are safe, and loved, and unburdened by the darker things in life.”

“Yes, but for how long?” She wondered.

“If they’re anything like their mother, they will be strong and able to overcome any challenges life may bring.”

Padmé smiled at the compliment and blinked back tears. She wished she had as much faith in herself as Mon seemed to have in her.

“Oh! Before I forget I have the prototype blueprint.” Padmé remembered, quickly changing the subject.

“So that wasn’t a ruse after all. Very good, is the information viable?”

“Yes, it’s legitimate. But the boy who delivered it to me was arrested and taken back to his home planet for arraignment.” She could feel the guilt rise in her stomach at the thought of the boy. “His name was Flint Hakim, do you think you could find out what happened to him?”

“I’ll try to get some information on him.” Mon promised. “And if I hear anything more about you I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you, Mon. I appreciate it. Here I’m sending you the information now.” She slipped the disk into the drive and waited for it to transfer. When the small light flashed yellow she asked. “Did you get it?’

“Yes, it’s here. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Padmé replied. “I’ll let you go now. It must be late on Courscant right now.”

“It’s alright; I barely get any sleep nowadays.” She sounded weary.

Padmé wished her friend a good night, and ended the transmission. She stood up, stretching her arms above her head, and began to pace. They couldn’t hide out here forever, and with half the Imperial Navy looking for them, along with the huge bounty on their heads it would be impossible to stay on any planet for an extended amount of time. Padmé once again considered the futility in her actions, what was the point of running? It was confirmed Vader knew she survived, and it’s unlikely that he would give up searching for her. It was one of his traits that first attracted him to her; his ambition.

Feeling a headache forming she walked back to the sofa, leaning her head on the back of the couch she sighed, and tried to clear her mind.

Before she could relax in the silence, the bedroom door _swished_ opened and Ahsoka walked out followed by Rex.

“So what’s the plan?” Ahsoka asked, sitting down next to her on the couch, and causing more dust to fly.

“I made contact with Mon, she said Vader is very aware of us and has placed quite a large bounty on each our heads.”

Ahsoka waved her off. “No big deal. I already have a price on my head; if any slimy bounty hunters come for us I’ll fight them off, no problem.”

Padmé shook her head. “I don’t know how you can be so blasé about this.”

Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders in response. “So what else happened? Any word on who ratted you out?”

“We agreed it was probably Pryia Vonn; her husband is an Admiral, and maybe he found out about her allegiance to the Alliance, and she gave me up.” It was Padmé’s turn to shrug her shoulders. “But that’s just a guess.”

Ahsoka patted her shoulder and offered her an encouraging smile, “Don’t worry, we’ll keep you safe.”

Padmé weakly returned her smile. She didn’t share Ahsoka’s confidence, but she appreciated the sentiment. She knew her time was running out, and all Padmé could do was watch the uncertain future rush unflinchingly towards her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
